Wildflowers
by Katherinehgt
Summary: The roaring motor of the car grunts and grumbles louder and louder, wheels screeching at every turn - but before the man can do anything, the vehicle dives into the void. AU Castle Ficathon Winter 2017 entry.
1. Chapter 1

_N/A : Alexis is younger than in canon (14yo in 2014) and Beckett already is Captain - the rest..you'll find out in time. Bear in mind, they're different versions than canon._

* * *

 _December 18_ _th_ _2009_

A man stumbles against the wall with a shaky breath, bloody palms catching himself as his hands glide along the surface, leaving behind thick, finger-shaped, red trails.

He sniffs as he pushes himself up and staggers through the hallway with unsteady legs. His face crumbles and a sob breaks free from his lips.

"What is it, Daddy?"

He whips his head round, an arm coming to brush across his mouth, his crimson red hand trembling as another sob cracks his mouth open with a desperate grunt. "Go get your sister."

The small child considers the man, cocking her head before walking away with bouncing steps, seemingly unconcerned.

The man then rushes in the master bedroom, opens the nightstand drawer, his hand wrapping tight around cold, heavy steel.

His hands shake and tremble, hot tears travel down the sharp traits of his face to finally nest into his growing stubble.

When he reaches the living room, two blonde girls are sitting on the sofa, the oldest one holding her sister against her chest as the younger one glances around quietly.

The gun dangles at the side of the man's leg, moves up, then down. The hand tightens its hold around it until the knuckles go red to white. The man releases a loud breath as his eyes harden with resolve.

"Sarah, take your sister to the car."

The five-year-old studies her father's face for a moment with furrowed brows, her mouth starting to part around a protest.

"NOW."

The word bounces and echoes around the cold and dreary room, making both girls startle, while the older one springs to her feet hastily dragging her sister behind.

* * *

The roaring motor of the car grunts and grumbles louder and louder, wheels screeching at every turn.

"Daddy, you're going too fast," the girl says with a quiet but distressed voice.

The man squares his jaw and squeezes the steering wheel hard before pushing his foot on the gas pedal as far as it would go, driving the vehicle to a crazy speed.

"Daddy, you're scaring Eden," the girl tries again, fear now strongly tinting her words.

"SHUT – UP." The man shouts turning his head towards the girls with wide, bloodshot eyes as the car starts spinning out of control and sliding across the frozen road, dangerously heading towards the edge of the cliff.

But before the man can do anything, the vehicle dives into the void.

* * *

 _December 18th, 2014_

Richard Castle was habitually a man of patience – when he wanted – but this was his _family_ and the feds who were in charge of the case – or rather, _not_ on the case- started to get on his every nerve, and he'd been feeling like he was the only one looking for them.

The life-altering call had come exactly five years ago, on a chilly winter morning of december.

" _Dad, do you honestly think that's necessary?" the young red-haired girl asked with an amused smile, yet her head shook and her eyes rolled._

" _I'm not getting out of this until they come fix the thermostat," the writer answered with a pout and folded arms, though his cheeks were starting to get warm. But he wouldn't admit he was getting too hot, entirely clad in a ski suit; he was trying to make a point here – although, he was not fully sure what it was anymore._

" _It is not that cold, come on, you'll stifle if you keep that up," she said around a laugh, stepping forward to start gliding the zipper down the heavy jacket._

 _He huffed at her and was about to answer when the cheerful Christmas themed ringtone cut him short._

" _Richard Castle, what can I do for you?" he answered with a cocky tone, to which the teenager rolled her eyes, before going towards the kitchen to make them both lunch._

 _What the young girl couldn't see as she walked away was how critically fast her father's face fell, how his throat worked hard to refrain a sob from breaking free, how his legs turned to water and had him reaching for the door frame of his office, how his finger squeezed around the phone as the voice kept going on and on, while he had long stopped listening._

 _Wordlessly, face devoid of any expression, he remained unmoving._

 _Confused by the prevailing and unnerving silence, the teenager turned around to face her father and frowned, her mouth parting, then shutting a few times._

" _Dad..?"_

 _He jerked his head up to face the girl without truly seeing and swallowed hard, the hand supporting him shaking, but no word came, his constricted throat preventing any sounds from coming out. His eyes filled and tears slowly streamed down his face one by one before he could do anything about it – not that he could have. The girl then rushed towards him and ploughed into him silently, letting his entire figure slump above and around her._

The shock had been a real beast to get rid of, and at first, he hadn't been able to believe his brother would do such horrendous things. But his DNA had been found all over his wife, and it had been confirmed by members of her family that his brother had become an alcoholic, and the autopsy had also offered proofs of abuse. He had blamed himself for quite a long time, granted, he hadn't seen his brother in years, but he had however, often visited when his brother was not home to see the girls. He should have had seen the signs, he noticed things, it was his _thing_ – or so he liked to think.

His sister-in-law had quickly become like a real sister to him, and had been close to Alexis. A petite blonde, with such deep green and kind eyes. She probably was the most generous and soft-spoken person he had ever met. She always had known about the..tensions between his brother and him, and had never mentioned or questioned it. Whatever had happened, she didn't deserve this, and his brother would have to pay the price - if he already hadn't.

For about a year, he had devoted all his free time looking for them. Part of him knew it was a way to make himself useful, to do something, _anything_. The FBI had taken over the case, but none of them or the car was ever found and the case grew cold, only to be left behind and brushed aside. The writer eventually gave up after two years of endless days and nights, more often spent around a glass of liquid amber than making any progress. He had no reliable resources after all, had no idea where his brother would have been heading in his haste.

But a part of him was convinced that they were alive, and he couldn't bear the thought of the girls being left on their own – or worst, with his brother.

And here he was, _five_ years later.

"Listen, I know it's been a long time, but you've got to do something!"

He stared at the bored looking officer who just wouldn't let him _through,_ and huffed with indignation painted all over his face. "Five _years_."

"So you've told me about ten times since you came in here," the officer started, holding his palms high in an attempt to ease him down. "Sir, this is the homicide department. If you haven't witnessed anything and have nothing to report, you're wasting your time- and ours."

The writer let out a bitter laugh, a hand coming to stroke his chin as he shook his head, "My brother and nieces have been missing for five years,"

"Which does not mean they're dead, ."

"Alright, now that's just _stupid,_ will you pl-"

"Hey! What's going on here?" A clipped, quite annoyed voice interrupted him and all heads spun around to look at the woman standing in the middle of the precinct, hands on her hips.

He glanced at her with wide eyes and suddenly felt at loss of words, and since he couldn't talk, he let his eyes travel from her honeyed chestnut waves, to her endless toned legs - sadly mostly hidden by a dark pencil skirt - but not before admiring the way the gold in her eyes swirled and vibrated under her fierce glare.

Who was _that_?

"Ah.. I was just-" he stuttered, pointing a finger between him and the officer, but failed to finish his sentence.

"Trying to bulldoze your way into my precinct, and distract my detectives?" she asked raising an eyebrow and folding her arms as she stepped towards them, either slightly making him want to bolt out of the room, or stay and stare at her all day long – he wasn't exactly sure. "That I can see."

 _My_ precinct, was she- no, surely, she couldn't _be_.

"What? No! I just wanted to-"

"I don't _care_ what your first intent was, so unless you have any information regarding any of the murders my detectives are currently trying to work on – you have no business being here."

He internally whistled to himself, visibly impressed, but remembered why he was here and stood his ground, defying her with his own hardening eyes. The bright ocean blue of his eyes darkened into a stormy sea and clashed with the blazing fire in her own in a battle of elements. None of them willing to surrender to the other.

"I need help finding my brother and nieces," he started, only to get interrupted – again.

What was _it_ with that woman ?

"What don't you understand in the word Homicide, exactly?" she asked, a finger tapping her forearm, a clear indication of her growing irritation.

"Just hear me out," he offered with softening pleading eyes, feeling brave enough to step closer hoping that she would see something in him that would made her yield.

He watched as her eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed, the wildfire tamed into gentle golden sparks twirling around her dark irises as she seemed to consider his request.

"Alright. Follow me," she answered, giving him a long look before walking away with a very enticing swing of her hips, which he stared at way longer than necessary, leaving him almost tripping over himself to catch up with her.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," Captain Kate Beckett paused as she pinched the thin bridge of her nose, her arm slightly muffling her words, "Your brother killed his wife, ran- _drove_ away with his daughters, fell down a cliff and no one was found ever since."

Surely, the man was crazy. There was no way anyone had gotten out of this alive – but he had some balls on him, she'd give him that. Fives years and he was still looking and hoping to find them, that was admirable enough to her, and was far from being a foreign feeling.

She knew all too well.

Still.

"In five years," he added with a nod.

"In _five_ years," she drawled, looking back at him with furrowed brows, one finger coming to stroke above one of them, making her look wistful. She then lay both her hands flat against her desk with a closed-lipped, regretful smile. "Look, this is still technically not something we deal with, ."

"You know my name-"

The Captain pinned him with a dark stare, leaving him no room whatsoever for what he had coming next.

"Right. Well. You still have a killer on the loose, don't you ?" He challenged her with an eyebrow raised, convinced that would do the trick.

"From what I've seen here, he's been reported dead."

"Which was never proved."

Captain Beckett dropped back in her armchair with a sigh, angling her face aside to give herself a minute to ponder on what her next moves would be. She could dismiss the guy as fast as she had welcomed him in here, it was not her case after all and, she could very well get into trouble for interfering with a case that was not hers. But...something in the way he held himself, the tension in the corner of his eyes even when he tried to hide it, called to her. Had her guts squeezing and her heart throbbing just a little bit faster, because she knew, and recognized that look in his eyes.

She had had the same, for years.

She looked at him, her now softening warm brown eyes studying him intently, so intently that he had to refrain himself from squirming in his seat.

"Listen, I can't ask my people to hunt ghosts, they already have enough on their plate," she tried carefully and slowly, as if talking to a frightened child, "That being said, I- I will try to dig some more."

Just because, whoever had been in charge of that case hadn't been thorough; no bodies had been found after all, and yes technically, the man _could_ still be alive.

So could the girls.

He grinned at her, "Thank you so much, how can I pay you back? You interested in a night out?" he offered, wiggling his eyebrows at her, which owed him a very unimpressed snort.

His ever changing moods had her off-balance, she knew who he was – of course she did - and therefore wasn't all that surprised nor impressed, but he kept joking only to turn dead serious in a matter of seconds, but she saw right through it, knew it was just a facade, to hide away the pain.

She knew that, too.

"I'm not making any promises, it's already been a long time, and if they haven't found anything five years ago, it's very unlikely that I will."

"Just try, that's all I'm asking. I-" He huffed and slumped forward, supported himself on his forearms and looked at her under a deep frown that plunged his eyes into a midnight blue. "My brother and I never were on good terms, I've long made peace with him being gone- but those little girls? You have to find them."

She observed him once again, wondering if that was even remotely close to the truth. Going by the look on his face, he hadn't made peace with any of it - quite the contrary.

Her finger repeatedly tapped against the hardwood, her mouth twisted as she took a moment to process everything.

Then, she extended her hand with an open hand, forcing down a gasp at the feeling of his large and strong hand around her own. "I'll call you."

 _What_ had she gotten herself into.

 ** _Happy Castle Monday? Ha! Here's my Winter Ficathon story, I won't give you the prompt just YET. All you need to know is that it is loosely based on a movie - I'll give cookies to whomever finds what it is._**

 ** _I have been writing this for months now, and I do have six chapters done (and I don't think it'll be over ten but...maybe.). However, it's been a REAL struggle to find people who had some free time to proof read my work, and only three/four chapters are ready to go for now - which is why I'll start with ONE update every week and I'll adjust to more if possible. In the meantime, thanks to everyone who helped me with this - you'll recognize yoursElVES (hahaha)._**


	2. Chapter 2

Captain Beckett had a strict routine once she was done for the day, it involved a glass of wine, a warm bubble bath and a good book, always had. It was the only thing that could help her body relax, the warm water working at the knots in her muscles and the tension in every joint that the day had brought. She usually either let it do its job, her neck against a warm towel behind her back, and her eyes closed as she tried to shut off any thought that would attempt to interrupt her moment of peace, or had one of _his_ books to keep herself entertained.

However, tonight, her mind kept replaying her encounter with _him_.

She was glad she'd been able to hide her initial surprise when she had spotted who was monopolizing her precinct, her voice never wavering, to her relief. She had to admit, he was not what she had thought he would be; he was cocky as hell, yes, and she certainly had not missed the way he had practically ogled her from head to toe for a solid minute. But, the darkness nested at the back of his eyes, that anyone else could very well miss hadn't fooled her, like the almost constant desperation that strained his voice, and made it a tone darker than she would have pictured it. She had never heard about a brother though, and that had piqued her curiosity.

Now...Now, she had practically made a promise she wasn't sure she could ever honour.

After his little..visit, she had started to look for more for information, had called in a few favours at the FBI, and had had Will Sorenson tell her anything he could, which hadn't been much. The case was technically still theirs - closed or not, and she had no business poking her nose into it. But still, she had been able to check his bank account and his phone records, which hadn't been of much help. Nothing was out of place or supporting anything that had happened. She was still at square one and she was afraid that's where she'd remain.

She banged her head back with a sigh, screwing her eyes shut - so much for a relaxing bath.

Why did she _care_ , anyway?

* * *

 _April 2014._

It was a nice day outside, the snow had been long gone now and the air was getting noticeably warmer. Yet, the wind was still chilly and he tightened his hold on his coat, flipping the lapels up around his neck. He was on his way to the precinct – again, and for the third time this week, making sure not to forget to bring her coffee: a grande skim latte, two pumps sugar free vanilla and a bear claw. Although, she had asked him not to bring her food anymore, _"If you keep that up, I won't get into my pants, soon",_ to which he had snorted and had almost opened his big mouth and ruined it all. But to his chagrin, she had seen it coming and had given him one of her famous scary stares, _"If you say anything about getting into_ _ **my**_ _pants, I'm throwing you out,"_ she'd said with her two beautifully shaped eyebrows raised and a finger pointed in direction of the elevator.

Smiling, he shook his head. She truly was something, and they worked well together. They had been seeing each other - professionally of course (not that he would mind seeing _seeing_ her) - for over four months now, and if there was anything to be said about her, it certainly would be about how dedicated, fierce and headstrong she was, and that made him trust her.

That and her incredible _assets_ , he appreciated greatly being around.

He was convinced that if anyone could ever get to the bottom of this, it would be her.

Slipping out of the elevator, he greeted the officer who used to stop him with a tilt of the disposable cup and a smirk and walked towards the Captain's office with almost _bouncing_ steps, visibly unable to hide his excitement. Knocking a few times, he sneaked his head inside with one of his hands waving the cup around in greeting.

She cast him a glance, a fog obstructing her usually vivid eyes under a deep frown. Shaking her head as if to clear out the mist she appeared to be stuck in, she gave him a faint smile.

"Hey, Castle, come in." Laying her pen down, she pushed the pile of sheets aside and accepted the cup he offered her, took it with both hands and brought it to her lips that stretched into a smile at the warmth that emanated from it. Right, because that smile had nothing to do with the man that kept showing up with said coffee.

He sat in his usual chair and joined his hands before him on her desk, watching her sip at her coffee with a satisfied smile. There was just something that filled him when he was the reason of her smiles, such enticing and yet innocent smiles. Although, she seemed uncharacteristically quiet, today. A kind of silence and stillness that he would have never associated with her; even when she was silent, there was always that spark that surrounded her like a halo, some kind of energy that pulsated through and around her, and that had him sticking close, unable to look away, as though she was a magnet. Something he was rapidly getting addicted to.

This, this was different, this felt like _defeat_.

Brushing it off, he thought it wise to put it onto the account of too much work. He had something to say and he'd rather say it sooner rather than later. They were in a good place, a tentative and at times awkward place, but he liked her and he needed a distraction. She had proven to be a great distraction, lately, but he wanted out of these walls.

"Staring is creepy," she mumbled around the rim of her cup as she lowered it down on her desk.

"Uh, Right. I was just thinking. Maybe we could-"

"Castle, look.." she started with kind but resigned eyes, the usual soft golden glow darkening into a damp forest green, "I- This has to stop"

He jerked his head up, eyes wide, baffled.

What did she mean? "What do you mean?"

Biting at her lip, her nails scratched the hardwood mechanically, and her eyes swept the room, purposively avoiding him, "It's been months, Castle, and we've still got nothing. You should let it go," she said, her eyes coming back onto him.

And he hated what he saw in them.

Frowning, he gaped at her, taking his hands back to himself and on his lap. How could she? She'd said she would try, she'd said she'd do her best… "I trusted you." He stared at her with dark stormy eyes, betrayal shining bright. "You said you would try," he added darkly, the accusation harsh even to his own ears.

She shook her head at the unfairness of his answer, a flare of indignation flashing hard in her eyes, "I did, I _do,"_ she insisted, narrowing her eyes at him, scolding, "But there's so much I can do, Castle, I told you that."

He laughed bitterly with a shake of his head and a clap of his hands on his thighs, "Right. Cops, you're all the same, aren't you ?" It was a low blow, he knew it, but he'd had enough of it, he was _tired_.

Rising to his feet and walking towards the door, he turned his head to face her and her revolted eyes which he tried to ignore, just before opening the door, "I really thought you were different."

And with that, he turned around and walked away, his heart heavier than it had ever been in the last five years.

He _trusted_ her.

" _You said you would call," he threw at her,_

 _slamming the door close, owning him a firm and furious_ _glare._

" _I know what I said," Beckett answered harshly, and if looks could kill, he'd had fallen dead the second he had crossed the threshold._

" _You never did," he added, his voice low, almost threatening and-_

 _What the hell?_

" _It's been a week, Castle, will you stop being so dramatic?" She said annoyance clearly creeping through._

 _He huffed, shoulder slightly slumping, " I don't want you shutting me out," he told her with a much warmer voice, his mask dropping slowly._

 _Sighing, she stepped a bit closer and searched his eyes trying to sound as convincing as she could "I am not, I just haven't had time to look into it." She let the corners of her lips twitch up, her features relaxing. "I would have called. You need to trust me here."_

 _He cleared his throat, stroking his jaw, "Right, I'm sorry I shouldn't have slammed the door or yell-"_

" _It's okay, just trust me - please."_

* * *

A shiver ran through her spine, making her bow forwards, her hands catching her head as she let out a shaky breath through her open mouth. She shouldn't care this much, she really shouldn't, she didn't _know_ him for heaven's sake.

And yet, she did care, and it was undoing her.

She _hated_ it.

They had spent quite a lot of time together in the past four months, he even had befriended her boys, had bounced theories with them, and was now basically part of the team. They had tried to dig some more together when she had some free time, but she had no idea what she was doing with him; why she had allowed him inside her precinct, why she had allowed him inside her _head_ , her _hea-_

 _She exited her office just in time to catch one of the paper balls the boys appeared to be playing with, the three men staring at her with a mix of surprise and fear._

" _Got no work to do?" she asked raising an eyebrow in direction of Esposito who swallowed roughly before sitting straight in his chair, while Ryan rushed back to face his own desk with a nod._

" _On it-"_

" _Yes, Captain-"_

 _Captain Beckett shook her head with an amused smile tugging at the corner of her lips, her ponytail swaying behind her. "I thought so, too"_

 _Castle, however, hadn't moved a finger and was grinning and looking entirely too proud of himself._

" _Castle, what are you doing?" she asked folding her arms, watched as he got up to his feet and stepped closer, his large frame blocking her from the boys._

" _Wanted to see you," he said with an innocence that didn't suit him in the least, his grin turning smug._

" _Which explains why you were distracting my detectives how?" she said, walking back into her office knowing full well he would follow like a puppy - he always did._

" _Close the door behind you, please."_

" _Why, Captain Beckett, are we gonna do naughty stuff?" he said as she turned on her heels to look at him, rolling her eyes._

" _Why are you here?"_

" _Told you, I-"_

" _No, why are you really here. I told you I was working on it, I don't need you prancing around my precinct like it's your personal jungle gym."_

 _He frowned, dropping the attitude. "I am_ _ **not**_ _prancing, I was waiting for you," he defended himself, his voice shifting to a higher note. "I need to ask you something"_

 _Sighing, she went back behind her desk, sat and resumed what she had been doing. "Fine, what is it that you needed to ask so bad?" she mumbled, her eyes scanning some piece of paperwork._

" _Can I stay around, as a consultant?" he asked, excitement making him sound like a child on a christmas morning._

 _She let out a surprised derisive laugh, lifting her head up to see him looking at her with wide expecting eyes._

 _Oh, oh. He was serious._

 _She frowned, "What for? If this is some kind of elaborate plan to hang around - forget it-"_

" _What, no! I- You obviously know I haven't published anything in awhile," he started as she huffed, "Truth is, I haven't written a damn thing in five years," he finished with a self-deprecating tone. "But I might be onto something, and this could help."_

 _What was she supposed to say? She did want him to write, she missed him- his writing._

" _Plus, it would make this thing between us easier," he added with waggling eyebrows and a suggestive look._

 _She shot him a glare, "There is no us-" she halted herself and snorted at his shit-eating grin._

 _The man was infuriating, why had she even agreed to any of this in the first place._

" _Fine. But there's gonna be a bunch of rules, and you better stick to them. One wrong more and you're out," she stated seriously._

" _Scout's honor."_

No.

She did _not_ like him, she was just being…Compassionate.

And most of all, she recognized what he was going through, he was towering down a rabbit hole she knew all too well. He would soon be too far gone, and she was afraid she would not be able to get to him anymore. It had taken her years to learn how to stop letting it gnaw at her, how to let it go. But at the time, she had been on her own, had had no one to lean onto - not that she would ever had asked for it.

She wanted to break him _out_.

* * *

A knock on her door startled her and made her lift her head up to look at Esposito who was regarding her with worried eyes, "You okay, Capt'? What's up with writer man?"

She gave him a closed-lipped smile and nodded, "Nothing, Javi, I'm fine. What is it?"

Unconvinced, he still let it go with a shrug rising the file he had in his hand, "You're needed in interrogation one."

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

He gave her a long, dubious look before leaving, and she let out a loud breath, pushing herself upright. He had been unfair to her, she _was_ trying her best, it just wasn't her place. But she knew he was hurt, knew it had been grief snapping at her, her who was so easily accountable.

She would fix this

Because she did care.

But first, she had a call to make.

* * *

The glass shattered into pieces with a sharp noise, spatters of the shiny amber liquid staining the floor and glittering where the sunbeams from the window of his office met them, like tiny pearls of bronze.

Fisting and loosening his fingers, he grunted and rubbed a hand down his face, shoulder slumped. She was right, he knew she was and it _hurt_.

Then again, hadn't everyone else before her told him the very same thing? So, why did it hurt more, this time? Why did his heart hammer so hard against his heavily heaving rib cage and his temples pulsate so hard that the room started to spin around?

"Dad?!" Alexis barged in, her eyes wide under furrowed brows. He saw her glance at the gleaming glass, and then slowly rise her head to him in question, "Are you okay?"

He dismissed her with a wave of his hand and stepped towards his chair, let himself drop deep into it with a groan as a hand came over his screwed shut eyes. He heard her come to him but refused to look at her, refused to be on the receiving hand of disapproval and pity – again-, refused to let her see what she'd been seeing for the past five years. _Misery_.

"That's a lie," she stated.

"Yes it is," he answered as easily, not even trying to contradict her.

"Is this about-"

"You know it is," he said, lowering his hand to the desk and looking at her with a sad smile. He had been bad at this, he knew he had. He had spent so many long days and nights locked up in his office, not even bothering to get out of it even to grab something to eat, and he knew that it had been tough on her. Knew it still was - he was not the man he used to be. He had never meant for her to see that part of him, no child should ever see that dark, dangerous part of their parents.

He himself had never thought he would ever end up in that place, he was a man who enjoyed every aspect of life at its fullest. But the disappearance of his brother and his nieces, the inefficiencyof the authorities had struck something in him, hard. He believed in justice, believed in a system that made things _right_ , and he couldn't handle knowing that whoever was in charge of the case had been and was still letting it grow colder and colder every day without a damn care in the world.

And he couldn't shut it off, he needed the wronged to be righted.

Alexis sighed and kissed his cheek, a hand squeezing his shoulder. "I'm sure that Captain of yours will find something," she said, even though her voice didn't hold much faith. He knew she was playing along and had long stopped trying to talk to him out of it.

"She won't," he answered flatly, turning his laptop on with unseeing eyes.

"No?" she asked, now sounding genuinely confused.

"Nope," the word popped out of him, as he stared at the blinking vertical bar on his WordPad.

Silent at first, the girl sat on the armchair and tried to figure out what he was looking at. "Why not?"

He sighed, "Because, Alexis, it's been five years and I am a damn fool," he answered shaking his head as he scratched his growing stubble with an increasing irritation towards himself.

He really was, he knew how that worked, knew that the more time passed, the colder the case.

Five years was already a _lot_.

He needed to see Kate Beckett, apologize, and make it _right_.

Perhaps, it truly was time to move on.

And he hoped she was part of what came next.

 **Ay ay - I thought I would give you an early Christmas present and update sooner than planned. First chapter didn't give out much, I'll admit it, so there! Consider this as a Thank you for your sweet reviews.**

 **For those who found which movie it is inspired from: GO YOU! However, It will be *quite* different - I'm not aiming for a spooky story, here ;).**

 **I probably won't update again before Christmas so, Merry Christmas to all!**


	3. Chapter 3

The wind whistles and groans through the thin and sky-reaching trees, complete darkness plunging the forest into a pitch black night. The moon partially pierces through thick clouds - barely offering any light, and giving the place a gloomy and disturbing atmosphere.

When the wind finally falls quiet and the clouds dissipate, silence reigns.

Not even the usual dull rustle and bustle of nature can be heard, everything soundless, muted, still.

Suddenly, leaves rustle and twigs snap, rapid and blurry oddly shaped four-legged creatures moving from one tree to the other with occasional grunts and hisses, quick feet jogging across bushes and leaping over streams with high-pitched short laughs that could belong to primates.

One of them stops in the moonlight - the forest now penetrated by slashes of vertical streaks of lights - arms stretched down and bottom down on the ground, the same way a dog would sit. A thick mass of tangled hair covers most of what could be a child's face, dusty and muddy, piercing blue eyes shining through– like the eyes of a wild beast hidden in a bush.

The girl screeches and lifts her bottom in the air as the second girl gallops and comes to a stop next to her with the same wild look.

The smallest girl of the two points her slim and short finger in the air, high above them as she tilts her head back with a high-pitched yelp. An unnatural yellowish glow from above sprays her face with a gentle light. Falling back on her bottom, the small girl claps her hands, then reaches out for whatever she's seeing, one distinct word slipping out of her with a hoarse voice.

"Mama!"

* * *

Alexis had just left, once he had assured her for the fifth time that yes, he can perfectly stay on his own, go have fun. He had lost it, it happened, and while he understood where she was coming from, he was fine. In fact, he had just started seeing clearer than he ever had in a while, the heavy cloud of guilt and anguish beginning to dissipate, leaving room to a long-awaited clarity. He was finally ready to start all over on the right footing, and that began with Captain Kate Beckett.

He had been an asshole to her, fully knowing she had been giving it all she had for the past four months. He had been there, had seen her going through endless piles of files that led her nowhere, looking for sighting of cars, credentials, phone bills, and going over it all again and again, solely for his benefit. Not once had she ever questioned him.

He was an idiot.

Although reluctant at first, she had opened her precinct to him, had given him all of her free time, and most of all – she was in this with him.

Not because she knew who he was, but because she cared.

Something he wasn't so sure he deserved.

 _"Castle, get your hand off that and give it to me – this is evidence"_

 _They had been going through his brother's personal stuff for hours now, and the man was behaving like a child; pouting at her when she said no, whining when she had to swat his hands off before he could put his fingertips all over evidence. If she had been annoyed an hour ago, she was now barely hanging on._

 _She was about to throw him out – or murder him._

 _"No, I'm telling you – there must be something in there," he answered, resolute and way too stubborn._

 _If he heard the annoyance seeping through her voice, he ignored it._

 _"I've read it four times myself, there's nothing," she stated, shaking her head at him._

 _The way he threw himself into it, inspected each item with careful eyes and resolve, with a burning fire illuminating his usual dark blue eyes, was sometimes quite attractive. She'd always found such hard determination to be enticing, but it was currently driving her crazy._

 _This was not determination, this was relentlessness, obsession._

 _"Then, you must not have looked hard enough," he said, regarding her with an eyebrow raised and almost accusing eyes._

 _Stunned, she let herself drop against her chair back with wounded eyes and found herself at loss of words._

 _Such heavy silence must have thrown him off if the confused look he cast her was anything to go by._

 _"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, her arms folded against her chest as she watched him sit up straight and gape at her - caught off guard._

 _"Not hard enough ? Castle, I've been going through all this stuff for days – nights," she started giving him a look that made him shrink, his eyes suddenly curiously interested in her desk. "Do you honestly think so little of me ?"_

 _He jerked his head up at her with startled eyes, "What, no! It wasn't like that."_

 _"Then, what?" She raised her voice, struggling to get a hold of her blooming frustration._

 _He remained silent, looking so small – like a little boy getting scolded at. He was such a confusing man, all about contradictions. She couldn't read him, didn't know how to handle him. He frustrated her, made her want to strangle him or more simply throw him out for good, at times. But he was also sweet and funny, and incredibly thoughtful when it came to her._

 _But sometimes, his eyes turned into a dark turbulent blue and the lines of his face hardened drastically, making him look so much older. And then, he snapped at her, took it out on her._

 _And she took it. Visibly already cared enough to let it go._

 _She usually didn't let anyone walk all over her, but that was different. That was a man who didn't know how to control grief, a man who was fighting and rejecting it._

 _Still, sometimes it hurt, and sometimes._

 _Sometimes they fought._

 _Sighing, she stood up and dragged her chair to his side of the desk, sitting just beside him, while he still refused to look at her._

 _Stubborn, man._

 _She let her hand land of one of his own, currently lying above his knee, and squeezed – trying to get him to look at her._

 _"Look, it's okay. We've been going at it for a while now, you're tired," she said with a soft voice, and felt his hand twitch under hers – saw his head rise and his eyes meet hers with guilt flashing right back at her. "You should go home."_

 _He nodded, wetting his lips and giving her a faint smile, his other hand coming to rest on hers._

 _"Yeah, I should," his voice was hoarse and raspy, telling of the long hours spent over analysing and over analyzing every tiny detail, desperately hoping it'd lead somewhere – anywhere._

 _"But hey, I'm in this, you know that, right?" She tried, going for a real smile this time, trying to coerce something from him, trying to get him back to her and out of this dark place he seemed to be stuck into. "We'll find something, sooner or later."_

 _Swallowing roughly, he nodded once again, and let his thumb glide on the so soft and thin skin of her hand, sending tiny wing-like flutters inside her stomach._

 _"I know, I know you are."_

Shaking off the flash of memories taunting him, he stepped towards the entryway and put his coat on, checking his watch. Seven o'clock, if he was lucky she'd still be at the precinct, and if she wasn't – well, he'd probably called.

He opened the door and closed it behind him, and made sure to lock it. But when he was about to turn and leave, he almost knocked someone down in his momentum.

Swearing, he still had the reflex to catch the back of the arms of whoever he almost had send flat on the floor, but when he raised his head to take a better look at who it was…

"Beckett?!"

"Castle!"

Well, looked like he was not going anywhere.

* * *

Eyes wide, Beckett barely now registered how warm his large hands felt around her arms. He seemed as surprised as she was, his wide blue eyes sparkling at her like shimmering water on a sunny day.

Sensing that it started to get awkward, she cleared her throat, and stepped back as he let her go, and she immediately missed the warmth of him, not that she would openly admit it.

"Do you have any intention of inviting me in, or are we gonna stand here all night?" she asked with a slow smirk, the gold in her eyes dancing around as he lowered his own glance to the ground, looking all kinds of embarrassed.

Interesting.

"Ah- Right, yes," he muttered, getting a small laugh out of her to which he raised his head and smiled back. Turning his back to her, he unlocked and opened the door wide enough to stand aside and let her in first, an arm extended inside.

"Go ahead, I'll get your coat."

Shaking her head, and with a light smile still attached to her lips, she took her coat off and watched him do the same. She avoided his gaze as soon as he looked at her to take her coat, and chewed on her lip.

She took some time to take a look at the room, it was beautiful. Not really what she had expected, better than. It suited him, it felt warm and welcoming, and at the same time had a really refined touch.

She saw Castle shift from one foot to another for a second, and had to cover her mouth to stop a laugh from bubbling out. He looked so unsure of himself, it was as unsettling as it was funny.

She didn't think she'd ever see the day.

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable over there, on the couch, I'll bring you a glass of wine," he said, now looking at her but still sounding strangely shy. "Is that okay with you?"

She nodded, her eyes scanning his face, an amused smile still holding onto her lips.

He did look nervous.

"It's perfect, thank you."

* * *

He offered her the glass and sat next to her, putting an unnecessary large distance between them. Both remained silent for a minute or two, staring into the void and occasionally sipping at their wine.

He didn't know how to start, what to say, so much wanted out, but yet-

"I-" he started.

"Look-" she interrupted.

Both smiled at each other, gazes meeting and interlacing for a second. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the warm liquid gold that turned so, so soft when she looked at him. She was so painfully beautiful, it made him uncharacteristically quiet, his throat too tight to let the air out, even less form words.

"You start," she said, inclining her own body towards him, giving him full attention.

And that, that made him brave.

Clearing his throat, he stroked the back of his neck with self-inflicted guilt.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, eyes softening and taking the form of a peaceful sea, "For everything, I've been unfair to you, multiple of times."

"Yes, you have," she answered with a small smile, unconsciously dragging herself closer to him. Although, she noticed the way his eyes swept in between them with an additional spark.

"I- I haven't been myself. . . in a while. I know this is no excuse, but, I just want to make it clear that -" he started before trailing off, staring straight into her as if trying to make her see, feel, how serious and heartfelt he was. She'd like it better if it didn't make her want to fidget like a teenager, "That I truly appreciate and will forever be grateful for everything you've done."

He watched a little dumbstruck, as she tipped her head downward, a curtain of chestnut waves falling around her face – oh, how he ached to run his fingers through those curls.

Shy Beckett was entirely too adorable.

But then, she curled her hair back behind her ears with a deep intake of breath, seemed to be avoiding him now, and averted her eyes to stare at her pressed knees. "My mother was murdered when I was 19."

Oh, he certainly hadn't been ready.

A mix of dread and a curious and overwhelming need to protect her washed over him, making him choke around her name. "Kate-"

"One night, we were waiting for her at the restaurant. It was getting late and she still wasn't there but you know, she was a lawyer – it happened."

She kept her voice strong and focused, matter-of-fact, letting no emotion whatsoever through.

"Only, she never did," he added, watching her intently, the urge to get closer burning and itching.

She nodded, still not looking at him, "She'd been stabbed," she said with a slight tremor, the word itself seeming to physically hurt her, deep.

Oh, to hell with it.

He came closer, their thighs almost touching, and lay his hand on one of hers currently resting on the couch. The same way she had done with him each time he had lost it, instead of shutting him out - she was so incredibly patient with him, it was admirable.

A strand of hair fell past her ear once again, and he was so tempted to brush it aside – that he did. He let his fingers softly bring her hair back behind her ear and saw her slightly shift as if to get away – but no. If only, she moved even closer.

"So, I know. I know," she emphasized tilting her head up and facing him at last, eyes intend and hard on him, barely aware of how close they both had gotten. "I won't let you do it alone, Castle, I'm here now."

She was, and it made his heart so much lighter, he felt like he was floating.

* * *

It felt good, it felt so incredibly good to share it with someone who got it, got her. It hurt, but not as much as it used to. It was now only a dull pain throbbing once in awhile behind her heart, but it had ceased to bring her on her knees, had stopped ruling her life and ordering her around. It was now a part of her she had learnt how to cohabit with.

She could help him. Because now she knew, it got better.

"What happened then? That's why you made detective, isn't? Have you caught him?"

She chased her thoughts away and blinked once, twice – and oh. His eyes were looking down on her with such an intensity, it burnt holes into and through her skull. But that wasn't what had her stomach twisting around and the hair at her nape stand. No, but their newly acquired proximity most certainly was.

When had that happened?

They were so very close, she could very well just tilt her mouth up and towards him and she'd be ki-

Nope, not going there.

She slightly moved back to look at him with a small smile, "I have, three years ago."

His own lips stretched into a large smile that beautifully reached his eyes, digging soft wrinkles at the corners, and getting them to sparkle with…

"I am proud of you," he stated so low and warmly that she could feel it vibrate within her, his smiling eyes giving her cheeks an adorable pinkish tint and making her eyes shy away.

Pride.

"Oh, did you arrest him? I bet it was badass."

Laughing, she gently shoved at him shaking her head when he swayed right back into her with a laugh of his own, his eyes crackling with mirth.

This was one of the things she lo- liked so much about him, how easily he lightened the atmosphere, and made her heart so much lighter - it felt like freedom.

She had never felt this safe with anyone before.

"I did. William Bracken, former US Senator. My mom had hidden tapes inside my elephants, just under my nose, all these years," she said looking at him with such bright eye, tiny green spots catching the light like gems. He couldn't have looked elsewhere even if had wanted to, she transpired victory, and he couldn't help soaking it up.

"Espo knocked them over by accident, can you believe it?" She said around a light laugh, still remembering the look of pure terror in his eyes, still remembering the cold sweat that had flooded her whole body from head to toes when that tiny cassette had fallen to his feet.

"Doesn't surprise me, the man needs space"

Beckett barked a laugh, slamming a hand over her mouth to muffle most of it while her eyes still danced with glee, until both fell dead silent and serious. They looked at each other with a renewed tension, carefully gauging each other.

She didn't mean to shift closer, she really didn't. However, something in her seemed to have a mind of its own, and she couldn't help letting her eyes flirt between his lips and eyes, which were promptly darkening. One of his hand came to dislodge her own from her lips, keeping her thin wrist trapped, the searing of his fingers making her skin tingle with awareness.

Her heart was beating and pulsating at a furious pace, so much so that it was all she could feel and hear - a low squelch invading her eardrums as the air made itself scarce. She let her head drift closer slowly, very slowly as her eyes fluttered up to see his own fixated on her parted lips. Her cheeks grew warmer, her whole body alight when he finally closed the remaining space to graze her lips when-

When her phone rang, abruptly breaking the silence and sending them both bolting back on their respective sides like caught teenagers.

"Beckett?" she answered with sharp, clipped words – her voice slightly laboured, her chest heaving embarrassingly fast, and her eyes purposively avoiding him.

* * *

Fine. He was entirely too busy replaying the last two minutes, anyway. Staring into space, he dumbly raised a finger to his lips, she had or- had he? They had- were about to kiss, if it hadn't been for that stupid phone, they probably would have now been-

"Castle."

The anguish in her voice brought him back to earth, his eyes landing on one panicked face, her eyes alert and – glistening.

"They found it. They found the car."

 _ **Hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas, and thank you for your kind reviews.**_

 _ **Side note: I'll be done writing this story very soon and while I'd like to keep writing, I still haven't found about what. If you'd like to share your ideas, do send me prompts through reviews, PM or on my tumblr : yesiwillmarryyou**_


	4. Chapter 4

Time first seemed to freeze over before the earth started spinning too fast - so fast he had to wrap a firm hand around the back of the couch to keep himself steady. As suddenly, he lost all control over himself, as if looking down at himself from above without any means to move or react in any way. His vision blurred and tunnelled as a buzzing assailed his eardrums and joined the assault, making it impossible to focus on anything. His heart pounded hard and deep, a strong throb that echoed and mingled with the ringing in his ears. For a moment, that's all he could feel and hear, his every sense flaring up all at once, his brain unable to process any of the information.

 _The car._

"Castle!"

He thought he heard something, distant and faint but could not get a hold on it, could not find a way back through the ringing in his ears and the thump of his heart as he stared ahead. He felt something grip his forearm hard and tugging and tried to center his attention on it. He followed the warmth spreading along his arm like a cord in the dark until all sounds ceased and his vision cleared on Beckett's face. His dry throat working, he let his eyes run across the worried lines sketched in the corner of her eyes and around her mouth, between her brows, the tension in her jaw.

"Castle, come on, you with me?"

He nodded slowly, his tongue loosening to wet his lips as he swallowed. The hand around his arm eased its hold, but remained there- anchoring him.

"Kate," he choked as he felt his eyes started to prickle and fill, knew that there was no need in trying to fight it. He let out a long breath that came out ragged and jagged, his whole body collapsing and pitching forwards as Beckett swiftly caught him, his forehead hitting her shoulder with a hollow thud.

He felt her arms circle his shaking frame, as each sob clawed at his throat and jolted him further into her, the soft caress of her hand on his back making his chest even tighter - though for entire different reasons.

"Let it go, I've got you," she hummed softly at his ear, a smooth thumb stroking the thin skin behind.

And he did.

Let the weight of five long years crash on him, steal his breath and drown him in his own tears, trusted her to get him back from under.

* * *

The drive to the Catskill forest had been uneventful so far, Castle had yet to say a word and kept staring out of the window. It was still early enough but the sun had long started its descent; the sky gradually losing of its orangish shades, to turn to ashes and she didn't like it. She had wanted to wait until morning, but the look in his eyes had told her it couldn't wait. She couldn't have risked saying no only to find out he'd went there alone, because she knew he would have. His incredibly heart-wrenching breakdown had surprisingly cleared out quickly, a fearless drive taking place- she'd seen that dead set glint in his eyes, in the tension of his jaw. Still, they would soon be plunged into total darkness and the forest wouldn't provide any artificial light.

It didn't help that they had no idea what they would find exactly, once there. She hated not knowing, and she was scared that whatever awaited them would be harder on Castle than any of those five years he had spent looking ever had been.

But he needed this.

She had warned the forest rangers and had asked them to bring strong flash lights, so there was at least that.

She angled her face towards Castle, saw that he was still facing his window most probably lost in his thoughts. Tapping her fingers on the wheel, she gnawed at her lip debating whether to break the comfortable silence around them. Instead, she chose to stretch her arm and lie a hand on his leg, squeezing. She herself didn't know what she was doing that for exactly; comfort him, coax him into saying something?

She redirected her gaze on the road that were now plunged in a heavy darkness save for the thick strips of her headlights painting the ground in yellow.

She felt him shift under her hand but forced her eyes to stare straight ahead. She feared she had somehow overstepped when he started to dislodge her hand, but quickly, his hand wrapped around her own and guided them next to him, fingers interlacing. She couldn't help wriggling her finger for a second, his warm skin shooting tingles up her arm as she tried hard not to let out the smile that was pushing and trying to get past her lips. Although she didn't move, she could feel his eyes on her, and wondered what they now looked like- were they of a rainy grey-ish or a stormy blue, had they hardened back into vivid indigo gems, or were they still tormented by his own turmoil.

"What if-" he began, his voice hoarse and breaking – probably because of the salty tears that had burnt his throat, possibly because of how long he had stayed silent. "What if there's nothing?"

Her brow knitted as she cast him a swift look, keeping her focus on the road now that they had reached a tiny stony road. "What do you mean?"

"What if there's no one?"

They had told her they'd found the car but they had found no one, thus why they were heading there themselves. She herself didn't really think they'd find more, it had been a _long time_.

"Ah. I don't know Castle. What if there is?" She sighed, giving him a small smile as she squeezed his hand.

"I'm not sure if that's something I want either," he let out, his voice so low and so raw. He sounded so tired, she couldn't fathom why she hadn't tried harder to convince him to wait until morning, at least. He had been determined, yes, but that would have deflated eventually.

She couldn't bring herself to say anything, wasn't sure he wanted her to, because what was there to say to that? No one knew what they would or wouldn't find, it could be bad – she wouldn't lie to him, or herself. She had crossed enough yellow tapes to know that, so she let his words ring and echo around them and hoped for the best.

* * *

The rangers were standing near what looked to be a wrecked white car, with bright retro-reflective safety jackets, two huge brown bloodhounds lazily sniffing around. Thankfully, they had brought large spotlights that lit up the area miles around, giving the forest a yellowish glow that was far from comforting. She took a moment to assess the place, the thin trees soaring so high above, they all disappeared as they reached the thick fog that started to fall around them in tiny beads. Shuddering, she rubbed her hands together and blew into them as she walked towards Castle who was waiting for her and ah, he apparently had made a friend.

Clearing her throat, she let her lips quirk up as he jolted upright from where he was petting the dog's thick dangling neck, "Aren't you two so cosy," she said, looking between Castle and the dog who was regarding her with sad looking eyes under drooping eyelids.

"My hands were cold," he told her as he shoved his hands back into his pockets with a crooked smile.

Snorting, she bumped her hips into him and snagged a piece of his coat. "Come on, Castle, let's go see what this is about."

At least he seemed to feel better, back to his old antics.

Approaching the two men, she let her eyes roam over the car before extending her arm to the first ranger and facing the second. "Hi, Roger, thank you for this," she said with a closed-lipped smile as she let the man pull her into a short embrace. "This is Richard Castle," she added, casting him a look and almost choking on a laugh at the bewildered expression on his face. "Roger is an old friend of my dad. I remembered he worked around here and had sniffer dogs. Figured it couldn't hurt to try," she said with a shrug.

"Shoulda come to me way earlier, boy! 'Was a real piece of cake for Bill and Jake over there," Roger said, shaking the writer's hand.

Probably hearing their names, both beasts walked toward them with sluggish steps, one of them barrelling into Beckett's legs with a low growl. Shaking her head in amusement, she pat the dog's back and turned to look at Castle who was watching her with a mix of surprise and...awe? She cocked her head at him with a frown, but he faced the ranger and started talking before she could say anything.

"Glad to meet you, though I wish it'd been under different circumstances," he said, his tone incredibly controlled, flat. "You found that car, nothing else?"

"I called Katie as soon as I found it, didn't really look further yet," the man said, nodding in direction of the car.

"How do you know it's my brother's?" She heard him asked quite harshly, felt him going tense beside her and she knew she had to step him. She lied a flat hand against his back, pressing.

"Castle."

"We found an ID, and thought we'd let Katie do her thing."

"And you did _good_ , Roger," she emphasized, pinching Castle's side, but even that did not get any reaction out of him, the man was as solid as rock. In fact, he walked away from her and towards the car without addressing her a word, one of the dogs strolling behind.

First, he looked at her as if she'd brought him the moon, and then gave her the cold shoulder? Fine, she could deal.

He watched as she carefully circled the car and took a few peeks inside, that smooth space between her perfectly shaped eyebrows creasing into a thin line, her long and toned legs purposively avoiding roots and rocks. He hadn't meant to be rude to the man, or her. His feelings were all over the place and he was having a hard time getting a hold of them. He just wanted to figure out whether that really was his brother's car. And at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to look away from Beckett, couldn't shake off the astonishment that had hit him so hard. She'd done this for him, and while he knew she had pulled a few strings for him before – this felt different.

This felt personal.

She'd always gone at such great length for him, and he'd always been a jerk in response.

He walked slowly to where she was kneeling, as she started to search through the driver side of the car. "I'm sorry."

She'd probably heard him, but barely acknowledged him for a few seconds before shrugging as she turned her flashlight on, "Not me you should be apologizing to, Castle," she mumbled as she pushed the front seat forward in order to have access to the back seats. "Not that you have anything to feel sorry for," she added, angling her face to him as a slow smile stretched her lips before she tilted and directed the light in his face, making him screw his eyes shut with a groan.

The laugh that bubbled out of her though, made his eyes pop open. He watched as mirth danced in her eyes like tiny golden flames, the low lightening making her whole face glow, a sly smile teasing the plump lips he'd been so close to taste. He shook that thought off - now was definitely not the time.

"Found anything?" he asked, joining her on the muddy ground, as she resumed her search. She had asked him to stay aside and let her go through the car, in case it would end up being evidence she'd say.

"Mhm, no, not yet," she hummed as she crawled inside, and he watched her upper-body disappear inside the pitch black of the car.

"Thank you, Kate. For- Everything," he said as he sat down his back against the car, "I don't know how- and even if-"

A gasp cut him short, and his head whipped around towards the sound, "Beckett, what is it?"

He watched her retreat from inside the car and sit back on her haunches with a dirty plush rabbit dangling from her gloved hand. She stared at him with wide bright eyes as he stared back with stupefaction.

"That was-" he choked as his throat convulsed around the words, a wave of dread washing over him; his skin started to tingle, and his guts wound and twisted around, his heart hammering hard and reverberating up into his throat, black spots troubling his vision. "That was Eden's."

* * *

They had let the two dogs smell the toy for a few seconds, and he had watched them run off their nose sniffing the ground now and then, never wavering, nor showing any sign of hesitation even once. They walked behind them, getting away from the lit area and deeper into darkness. The forest was so uncharacteristically quiet, devoid of any chirping, swarming, buzzing, hooting that everything in him was screaming at him to stay in alert – had him stepping unconsciously closer to Beckett.

It didn't feel right, a silent forest was not a good sign.

"You okay, Castle?"

"Uh?" He turned his head to her, unable to see more than blurred features, though feeling her arm wrap around his own as they walked side by side.

"How can you be so calm?" She inquired, genuinely sounding confused.

He didn't know. He had first felt like running around and shout, just do something - find them. But a part of him knew it would be pointless. And perhaps- perhaps he feared what they'd find.

Or maybe, maybe it was her.

"I trust you."

She nodded. "Do you still want to keep walking? We could let them go and stay back there in the car, you know?"

"No, no." He shook his head fiercely. No way he would stay behind doing nothing, he had to know.

They finally had something, he could not possibly not be a part of it.

He knew she was saying this for his benefit - offering him an out, knew she probably felt the growing tension in the stiff way he held himself, she always noticed things – read into him like in a book.

"Would _you_ stay behind if it was your mom?" he blurted out, only realizing what he had said when he felt her arm tense, when he had to get a hold of her to keep her from falling flat on her ass when she almost tripped over herself. "Kate. Kate, I'm so sorry. I-"

"Stop," she rasped, facing straight ahead once again - regaining her composure, "It's fine, and no, of course not."

Shaking his head, he freed himself from her arm and took her hand, guided them into his pocket. "I wish I'd been there, with you."

She laughed softly, her shoulder swaying into his, and he could picture the way her face most certainly tipped down as she did so often, the image so deeply anchored in his mind he didn't need any light. "Believe me, you don't."

"Why?" He didn't like that tone in her voice, too close to self-reproach than he'd like, and he really hated not being able to see her right now. He _yearned_ to see on her face what that had meant, because why would he not?

"I wasn't the person I am now, Castle," she said simply, her shoulder nudging his own as she shrugged.

"So?"

He didn't understand how that was supposed to be relevant. He knew he wasn't the same now, and they worked well. Would she have rejected him if he hadn't been that man he is now? The one he so desperately tried to bury down.

"So. I don't know that I would have let you in. It wasn't pretty, Castle. I can tell you, I wasn't as gracious as you are."

He snorted loudly, disbelieving. "This isn't a competition, Kate. You were hurting. And, you say that because you didn't meet me five years ago."

She hummed, a balmy sound that travelled through him and warmed him up.

"Am I now? In?" It didn't matter to him what they had been, this is where they were now and he liked it there.

"What do you think, Castle?" she said, her cold hand squeezing his in emphasis. He loved it when she touched him. Loved how stronger it made him feel, as though she was his lifeline, as though nothing could happen with her at his side. She was always so in control, so incredibly composed, yet surprisingly lenient and warm - everything he was not and longed for.

But just as he was about to respond, loud distressed barks echoed up to them, followed by a whistling as almost instantly, high-pitched whines travelled up to them. But the snarling scream that came shortly after made his blood run cold, froze them both on spot as they turned their head to look at each other in the dark.

What was _that_.

 **I'm working next week, and in case I forget about the update, I thought I would do it now!**

 **Thank you for the follows, and reviews. I've decided to finish both Ray of Hope *and* Lys - so you might want to check those out!**

 **See you next year, I guess (ha ha) x**


	5. Chapter 5

When she came in the waiting room, she immediately spotted Castle, could recognize those slumped broad shoulders anywhere. He looked as defeated as he had sounded when he'd called her and it stirred something strong within her. A powerful urge to make it all better, smooth a finger down the hard eroded lines of his face - fatigue and worry gnawing at what was left to him like salty water eating away at a hard cliff. It had been a hard and long week since that night in the forest and she herself still couldn't shake off the shock she had gone through, still remembered the lethargy that had consumed her partner following the encounter.

Children

 _Wild_

Wild children.

She'd never thought she'd ever be this afraid of children, but those girls had looked nothing like kids. They'd been violent; snarling, and growling so fiercely at them that the dogs had retreated and ran off. They had called the closest hospital while they had tried to keep the girls around, attempting to approach them, to no avail. They had resolved to use tranquilizers as they would have done for a bobcat, and they'd watched as the girls had collapsed to the ground with a pained whine. It had been as heartbreaking as it had been surreal. She'd had to come back to work eventually, and she knew Castle had spent the week roaming the hallways of the Children ward of the Presbyterian Hospital, hoping to see them only to being told to wait.

And here she was, dumbly standing at the door with two disposable cups of steaming coffee. What did one say in that situation? _Hi, I'm glad your nieces-slash-maybe-daughters-to-be are alive, but I'm so sorry they turned into wild animals._

Right, maybe not that.

She took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and stepped towards him, sat just right next to him into a very uncomfortable chair. She didn't say anything, simply handed out his cup and waited for him to be ready. He took the cup from her without a word, wrapped his two hands around it, his forearms rested against his thighs. She mirrored his position, sweeping her eyes across the mostly empty room, perfectly content to stay silent as long as he needed.

"They told me soon," she heard him say, so very low she'd first thought she'd imagined it, his voice slow and sullen. "Perhaps even today," he added and she actually heard an ounce of hope in there, shy but resilient.

"That's great, Castle," she said, trying to sound as relieved and light as she could, her hand coming to coil around his own of its volition. She saw his face slightly tilt down to look at their hands, wondered what was going on in his mind.

Then, he turned to face her, his eyes a beautiful cerulean that seemed to implore her "Will you come?"

Should she, really? Was that wise? Did she _want t_ o?

"Ah. I don't know, Castle. Maybe we should wait and see," she offered, letting her lips slowly quirk up, his eyes lightening up in response.

"Right, yes. Of course."

Her smile widened slightly, but as she was about to say something, the door of the office opened and a kind looking man appeared in a white blouse and a folder pressed up against his chest.

" ? Ready to meet your nieces?" he asked with a warm smile, the corner of his small eyes crinkling.

She was pretty sure she momentarily stopped breathing.

* * *

He couldn't believe what was about to happen, couldn't possibly wrap his mind around it – couldn't even process any of it. He felt like he'd slipped into an alternative universe.

The three of them were facing a thick window that gave view on a child's room plunged into darkness. Why was it this dark, anyway. He had been staring into the room with such an intensity that the back of his eyes ached and pulsated – his vision blurring.

"..And we have to discuss what's the next step for them," he heard Doctor Wood say, and of course he hadn't been listening to anything else he'd said. Still, he considered his words with a deep frown. Discuss?

"What is there to discuss?"

The grey-haired man detached his small eyes from the window to gauge him and pushed the thin glasses up the long and rough bridge of his nose. "Mr. Castle, I know you were expecting to have their full custody but I should warn you – the board seem quite reserved."

" _Reserved_?" he bit back with a dark laugh, his head shaking with obvious disbelief. "I have been looking for them for the past five years, doesn't that count for something?"

He saw Beckett move in the corner of his eye, felt her touch his back through his coat – the sensation enough to temper him down for some time. He took a deep breath and stared back at the doctor, waiting for whatever explanation he had to offer. If he had to fight, he would.

The man cast a brief look to the window, before looking back to him with an understanding smile. "I have been talking in your favour, trust me. There's nothing I would like more than know them with someone they're familiar with – or so I hope they will be. But this is a very complicated case and we need to do this right."

"What seem to be the problem, exactly?" Beckett said, her eyes travelling between him and the doctor, as she mouthed something to him that vaguely looked like a _trust me_.

"Well, they need a stable and secure household-"

He scoffed apparently loud enough to interrupt the man. "And what make them think I can't provide that? Do they know who I am?"

He hadn't noticed he had taken a brisk step forward before Beckett caught a piece of his coat and pulled back slightly with a reprimanding look. Alright.

"That's beside the point, Mr. Castle. We are well aware of your wealth, I can assure you. But you are single and already have a child, if I'm not mistaken."

"That is relevant, how?"

"We- They think it would be too much work. To be frank, I'm not sure you know what awaits you, here."

Sure he didn't, it's not as though raising _feral_ children was common, after all.

"Let me get this straight-"

"He's not."

What?

Castle whipped his face to see Beckett nervously fixing him with vibrating but hesitant eyes. Though, as quickly as the words had come out, he saw her mask any more signs of hesitation and felt her hand take his – fingers interlacing firmly as she looked back at Wood, who was regarding them both with a confused expression all over his wrinkled face.

"Single, I mean," she added and his brain shut down at the implication – blood rushed to his ears, warm and entirely too embarrassing. But her hands crushed and grinded his fingers to dust, making him bite his own tongue to stop himself from moaning. What was _she_ playing at.

"Really?" the old man asked skeptically, his intonation rising noticeably as his small and round eyes almost completely disappeared under his brows as he frowned.

"We're together. Engaged, in fact," she said with that breathtaking smile that so rarely surfaced, revealing a perfect row of white teeth, her tongue just slightly peeking as she balanced their joined hands and shot him a pointed look – a clear invitation to play his part.

"Right! We are," he stuttered in an attempt to follow with her, although he must have not sounded convincing enough, because her hand spasmed around him _again,_ and her fierce eyes bored into him with a pointed nod of her head.

The man looked between them, his eyes travelling to her hand – Geez, the man was relentless.

"No ring?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious, but strangely hopeful.

"It was very spontaneous," Beckett blurted out with a short giggle that sounded nothing like her and had him holding back a laugh of his own.

"That it was," he muttered with a shake of his head, and winced in surprised when she slammed an elbow into his side, a perfect smile still plastered on her face - in full display for the doctor to see.

"Ah. Right. In that case, I'll make sure to inform the board, I'm sure that will greatly boost your chances," Doctor Wood said with a warm small smile, his eyes now seemingly cleared of any doubts. "What is it that you do, Ms. Beckett? If I may ask."

"I'm a Captain in homicide, NYPD," she said with such a proud voice, unconsciously making herself taller, her voice so very posed. "I have quite flexible hours, so he won't be alone."

He only now started to realize what she was doing and emotion welled up, and stormed any thought he might have had going on, made his heart constrict so hard his chest ached. It was now his turn to squeeze her hand, a silent and small gesture that couldn't possibly express half of what he wanted to say- to _do_ to her, right this moment.

She had done that. She had made it all possible - everything.

 _Engaged_

* * *

He opened the door and stepped inside the dark room, sweeping his eyes around, but he couldn't make out anything. He decided to sit down in the middle of the room and turned his face towards the window where he knew the doctor and Beckett were watching him, or trying to at least. He had an earpiece through which the doctor could get him through it step by step in order not to spook the girls.

"They probably heard you, but you can announce yourself - see if they recognize you. Then, I'll turn on the light."

Castle nodded to himself and took a deep breath, shifting on place as if to get ready for a fight. His throat was suddenly dry and papery, and a bright spark travelled through him - anxiety pooling heavily in his stomach. He didn't understand the sudden flash of angst, but tried to breathe through it as Beckett's voice washed over him, her words warm and soothing as if she could see, _feel_ him struggle.

"Breathe, Castle, it's going to be alright."

He swallowed hard.

Cleared his throat.

"Uh- Hey there?" he forced out, his throat tightening with both anticipation and apprehension.

He remained still, but didn't add anything. _Let them come to you._

Never had he found silence so oppressing and violent, all he could hear was the whooshing sound of his heartbeat reverberating up into his ears. But then-

"Daddy?"

The small voice didn't come from far, rushed muffled steps getting closer and closer to him until he could make out a blurry form now that his eyes had gotten used to the darkness. When he was about to respond, he felt a weight crash into him, small arms curling around his neck - knocking the air out of him.

"Daddy?"

"Not-" he choked, the familiar sting rising to his eyes as he wrapped his arms around the child with a fierceness that came all too naturally. "Uncle Rick, remember?"

The girl detached herself to look at him, her rough fingers tracing the tense lines of his face, her whole hands then joining the expedition. "Daddy."

He let out a trembling laugh and stroked her back, squeezed his eyes to let the tears fall. "Okay, okay."

"Eden, come here," the girl called out distinctly. He had known it was Sarah from the moment she had crashed into him, not only was she the oldest, but her voice hadn't changed all that much.

But she had grown so much.

"I think you can turn on the light, now."

As soon as he had spoken out, the room was drenched into a bright white light that made him screw his eyes shut for a second as the girl curled on him and hid her face into his neck with a pained whimper.

At that moment, he heard Beckett gasp into his ears.

When he opened his eyes, he understood why.

He let his eyes run over the girl currently hiding herself from the light; taking in the long, dirty, entangled blond locks, the little of flesh that was exposed covered in bruises and scars, the crazy amount of dirt amassed under such short nails.

He was at loss of words, and the youngest one had yet to come out.

"Where's your sister?"

"She's hiding," the girl mumbled into his neck.

"Alright, and do you think you can make her come out?"

"I dunno, I can try," she said as she withdrew from him, her hair falling over bright blue eyes. She scrambled off on her fours, visibly an habit they had both taken from animals.

He turned his head towards the window and saw Beckett covering her mouth with a hand as her eyes seemed to be glistening. Wood seemed as emotional behind those large glasses, and gave him an encouraging nod.

"You're doing great, you seem to have Sarah's trust, that's good."

He stood up slowly as he watched the ten-year-old girl crawl under a bed, heard her talk in a language he wasn't sure to understand. He didn't walked much closer, though.

Sarah came out from under the bed, an arm extended as she tried to pull her sister from under with a groan. "Come on!"

He laughed softly, marvelled at the sight in front of him. How could this be real?

The taller girl stood up on her feet and pushed her hair back as she regarded him with a small smile. He could barely see the small girl behind, who was purposely hiding as she gripped a piece of her sister's shirt and peered at him with an eye.

Seeing Sarah constantly narrowing her eyes, he remembered what he had in his pocket. _Idiot_.

Slipping the glasses out of the box, he grinned at the girl as he waved them. "I have something for you, if you'll come."

She nodded enthusiastically and skittered towards him so vividly that the little one released her hold on her sister with an angry growl. "Mean!"

He watched as Sarah rolled her eyes and shook his head - boy was he in trouble. He pushed the glasses towards her face slowly and slipped the rounded bridge on her small nose. "There. Better, right?"

"I think that's enough for today, Rick," he heard Wood's voice boom in his ears, and sighed. He had only just got them _back_.

"What's wrong? You look sad."

He jerked his head to face the girl who was regarding him with such solemn and quiet eyes - pure innocence bleeding through.

He nodded, the corner of his lips quirking up reluctantly. "I gotta go," he explained slowly as the girl's mouth twisted slightly, her shoulder slumping. "But hey, I'll be back," he added warmly, tipping his head down to search her eyes.

She lifted her clear eyes back to him and tilted her head, "You will?"

"Pinky promise," he smiled wider offering her his pinky and watched as she let out a melodious giggle and curled her own finger around his.

"Promise."

* * *

Now sitting at the desk, he couldn't stop playing the last twenty minutes over and over again in his head, still was amazed - it truly was a miracle. Five years, those girls had been out on their own for five years and here they were, breathing, and healthy and talking. By no means, did he believe in any kind of superior being but - he felt thankful, today more than he ever had.

"Mr. Castle?"

He blinked, looked at Beckett who once again took his hand and gave him a soft smile that stretched her lips and made the gold in her eyes melt. Her gaze held so much emotion, and he had so many things to say but- later.

He might have mouthed the word because she nodded gently before facing the doctor.

"Yes. Sorry, you were saying?"

"I was telling Ms. Beckett that I have a meeting with the rest of the team next week and by that time, I should have an answer for you."

"But?" Somehow, he just sensed a 'but', there.

Wood smiled softly. "You're right. But, I can already tell you what you'll have to give your consent to in order to have their custody."

"Anything."

"I need to keep an eye on them - that involves therapy sessions, but not only that. I'll need your permission to set up cameras in their bedrooms and your living room," Wood said calmly as he dropped back in his chair, eyeing them with interest.

"Uh-"

Dumbstruck, he cast a look at Beckett but was met with equal confusion.

"Don't worry, It'll be for the first two months - tops. We need to see their evolution, that will help greatly with the study we have going on."

Blood rushed up to his eyes and boiled at the mention of the said "study" - Seriously?

"My daughters aren't freaks that you can use however you please." He jumped forward on his seat, spitting words with such a venom he barely recognized himself.

"Castle-" She gripped his forearm, but he brushed her off.

"No! No, I won't let them _use_ them."

Wood raised the palm of his hands. "Now, now. Let me rephrase that, will you," he tried as he stared at him with an expecting gaze, waiting for him to ease down. "I need to have eyes on them, the more we know, the easier it'll get. And, yes, it will help dealing with future similar cases. That's how it works, Mr. Castle."

He sighed, and nodded. "Okay, ah, okay, yes."

Eyes on them...That meant eyes on Beckett and him, too.

On Beckett.

Engaged.

Oh _shit_.

 **Thank you for your support, don't forget this is inspired from a movie, therefore (most) of the plot isn't mine, although I'm following it quite roughly and adding stuff. x**


	6. Chapter 6

Flowers.

Enthralling, creamy, sweet-smelling, deep crimson red roses.

Hundreds of them, surging into her sight and assaulting her senses - the sweet scent tickling her nose and bursting through her synapses as it slowly spread in the air, the magnetic swirl of red luring her confused eyes and soul deep into sweet oblivion.

Until a hoarse but tentative sound made her snap out of it, hazy eyes flying up to meet an explosive blue that effectively roused her mind and sent her heart soaring.

To say that she hadn't expected his visit would have been a wide understatement. Another week had passed since she had joined him at the hospital; a week she had spent elbow deep in a jumble of files she had neglected for too long, excruciating meetings with 1PP and a series of rather quickly closed but tenacious murders. He hadn't come in even once- and she hadn't asked. She knew they had to talk, and they had both been stalling it - perhaps up until now.

It was still early into her day off, which she'd been spending so far doing the laundry she should have done days ago, waiting for it to be done stretched out on her couch with a warm cup of coffee. She hadn't bothered to dress, figuring she would most likely spend the day in for a change; but still had traded her pajama for black leggings, and a deep purple tunic she loved. Hadn't bothered much more with her hair either- that she had thrown into a messy bun.

Then, the knock had come. To be fair, when she'd opened the door - she had _not_ expected flowers to soar into her face, and bright sizzling blue eyes to join in the colorful assault.

"Kate?"

Blinking, she hummed hazily as her gaze jumped from one eye to the other in a mesmerizing dance, her own golden eyes igniting while his flared back in response.

"Ah- Can I come in?"

"Right! Yes, of course."

She shook her head in a feeble attempt to regain control, harshly biting at her lip when she noticed how much taller he was when she was barefoot. Usually, that would have made her feel vulnerable, yet the first thought that came to her was how right her head would fit right under his chin. And she didn't stop it.

She stepped back so he could come in, and took the flowers from him with a thankful smile, went looking for a vase to nest the splendid bouquet that would now proudly stand on her coffee table - a lovely addition to the bohemian vibe of the place. When she came back, he was still standing near the closed front door with his hands deep into his pockets and kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Uh.

She walked back to him, her sock covered toes curling against the cold floor as his gaze caressed her figure with wide, and slightly caught eyes.

Frowning, she gave herself a swift once over before returning her eyes to him with a shrug, "What?"

His eyes relaxed, but he still held in his look something avid, and bright -wistful- yet so shy.

"You- erm," he uttered, waving his hand up and down her frame, his eyes glazing.

Oh? Really.

She narrowed her eyes at him with she hoped, a scowl as fierce as she felt, "Come on, Castle, I'm not naked."

His eyes went comically wide, and even if, she had to admit, he had managed to school it fairly quickly- she just knew he'd went _there,_ right where she wanted him.

"It's not so often I get to see such a relaxed, and homey looking part of you, is all, Captain," he said with an eyebrow raised, and a vibrant spark in his eyes.

She hummed at that, and her lips quirked up of their own volition as she trailed off in the kitchen but kept her sly gaze on him, "Coffee?"

* * *

She watched as he mindlessly twirled the spoon around in his warm mug his back resting against the arm of her couch in such a fitting shirt, she had trouble _not_ staring at. He had that easy smile, and yet intense look on his face that told her he was probably staring too, and she didn't care. She'd just use that time to observe him some more; he looked so at home, that alone sent a powerful urge run through her veins and dance around her belly - violent flashes of want crackling, and bursting like fireworks, making her suck in a dry breath.

"So, uhm, how do you wanna do this?"

Confusion creased that pale skin between her eyes into a delicate line, her eyes flashing with a well tempered surprise, "Uh, I-" Her mouth fell open for a second without a sound coming out. She hadn't expected him to be so..blunt about it, she had known him so much more subtle that she had not idea what to come up with, and didn't like the way he made it sound. _Do this_? Really?

"I mean, I guess you could just show up whenever I truly need it but-"

What.

"Excuse _me_?" She blurted out with wide startled eyes, her legs falling before her, hurt seeping through obvious surprise, and lacing her voice with a strangled breath. She couldn't believe what she was hearing- what he was _saying,_ didn't comprehend any of it, nor wanted to. They had almost _kissed_ , and that was all he could think of? Was that what he had been looking for all along? She was such an idiot-

"Kate, Kate, woah," he exclaimed, looking at her with a confused, and slightly taken aback gaze as she jumped upright with a _dark_ sneer, her jaw tight and grounded as she tried to remain _calm_ \- although her blood boiled dangerously.

"You know what? I think you should leave now."

He felt the harsh dismissal cut through him, and leave a sour aftertaste in his mouth as he tried to understand what had offended her so deeply that she wished for him to leave.

"Look, after what you said, I thought you knew what that _implied_. But fine, I'll call Wood and try to come up with something else," he said as he stood up, watching her with guarded, and grim eyes.

"What are you _talking_ about?" She asked sharply, a distant pounding already starting to assault her temples on each sides.

"I've got to pick up the girls next week, and the cameras are all set up- What are _you_ talking about?" He countered, an exasperated sigh not far behind.

The girls - right. oh…. _oh_.

God.

Castle watched bewildered as she let out a trembling laugh, and hid her face behind both her hands, mumbling a string of words he couldn't understand - barely heard.

He slowly stepped closer, just in case she decided to shout at him out of nowhere again. Who knew Kate Beckett was so incredibly moody, anyway? "Are you sure you're okay?"

Beckett shook her head as her hands fell to reveal rosy cheeks, her lip trapped between her teeth. Her gaze danced around, purposely avoiding landing on him. "Us."

When she finally had recovered enough strength to look at him, his face had fallen drastically - his expression frozen, his blank eyes of an icy blue. So, she went on, "I.. thought you had come to talk about you know…" She said with a tilt of her head, and cringed at the horrified look on his face, an eye screwed shut. "Sorry.."

"No, no, don't - God," he groaned as he stroked a hand over his face.

She knew he had to be thinking back on what he'd said, certainly now realizing how it'd sounded to her, if his _pained_ groans were any indication.

They just stood there for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say, but she saw Castle's expression turning deep and serious as he regarded her under lowered brows, the blue of his eyes darkened.

He reached for her, and grabbed her arm, jolting her forwards against him. Out of balance, she let him catch, and hold her as she relaxed into his embrace with a sigh. It had taken her by surprise at first, they didn't exactly _hug_ \- but he seemed to need it, and she would be fooling herself if she said she didn't.

"To be completely honest with you, I didn't think you wanted me to mention it."

Nor did she.

Had that have happened a few years ago - she would have buried that episode under tons of bricks, wouldn't have given it much thought either. That is if she would have even let that happen. But that wall was more or less gone now, and she was tired of using that as an excuse anyway. She was lonely and he was...right.

Sure, he was challenging and hard to read, but he'd let her in and she knew he was more than that, yearned to see more of him and not from the outside. She wanted _in_.

She had always been harsh and probably boring, incredibly _by the rules._ The kind of no-nonsense cop that was often on their own - and by choice- but silently greatly respected nonetheless. But that had influenced her way of life, her whole self, too and he had ploughed right through it all.

Leaving her wanting more.

She felt like she had just recovered the ability to _see_ and _feel_ again.

"I do," she mumbled into his shoulder, and she'd been right. She fit just right, his chin resting against her skull and his arms so strong and warm around her. But the embrace was brief, and she was under the impression that it had been more for her benefit than anything else.

"You're right," he said gruffly taking both her arms in hands to push her back, and see her face with surprisingly agitated eyes. "We should talk."

A veil of doubt flashed across the bright hue, and she felt him attempt to step back - to let _go_.

And somehow, somewhere deep inside, she felt she was losing him.

 _He_ hadn't wanted to mention it.

Something fell and came apart within her, her stomach getting heavier and heavier so abruptly that she thought she'd be sick. She thought he felt the same, she _knew_ he did.

She couldn't possible have read it all wrong.

She curled her hands tighter around his arms, nails cutting into his pale uncovered skin and swallowed hard when his eyes avoided her, his face made of stone. "But you don't," she whispered with a strangled breath, almost choked on it as emotion welled up out of her control - her own gaze now shying away.

He sighed and gave her a small, half hearted smile - detached her hands from his forearms and touched a finger against the hard slash of her jaw to get her attention. "Look, I appreciate everything you've done. God, I'd give you anything, _anything,_ but that," he went on regarding her with such soft eyes - she couldn't take any more.

Yet, she would.

"Why?"

It was low, and her throat quivered embarrassingly hard, her eyes probably misting and it wasn't _her._ She did not _cry_ over men, but he was different and he had made her _hope_. Made her believe that maybe, maybe she could be _more_ \- with him.

He let out a bitter laugh, barely a puff of breath, his finger tracing the crumpled lines of her face with a reverence that contradicted everything he said, sent her mind reeling. "From the moment I saw you, you had me."

What, what was he-

She frowned, and opened her mouth to protest but he cut her short, his hand cupping her jaw and his thumb stroking the soft thin skin. "You came into that room with such a powerful aura surrounding you, I couldn't take my eyes off you. The way you confidently walk around like you own the world, and nothing can touch you - It's actually very hot," he admitted with a mournful smile that teared her heart in pieces. "But Kate, I will never be enough. I wish I were, but I'm not the same man I used to be, perhaps never will. You're the most remarkable woman I've ever met, and you deserve more. I can be your friend, but I don't know that I can, _should_ be more."

She blinked, and her mind blanked.

So, that was what it was all about. She felt her jaw go slack, as she searched for something to say, but nothing felt right. Nothing felt enough.

She had never been good with words, so she did what she knew how to do and let her actions take over. He didn't know if he could let himself love her? Well- screw that, she'd show him he already did. He didn't get to decide what she deserved- she did.

With that in mind, she clasped her hand around the back of his forearm, and pushing herself on her tiptoes, she surged into him. She went straight for his mouth - ungraciously- fusing their mouths together, and felt his hum of surprise on her lips, tasted his sweet amazement when he started to relax into her, his free hand heavy on her lower back as the one at her jaw curled. She let herself enjoy the feel of his soft lips, a thrill shooting through every nerve ending at how he fervently worked at her lips in response. She fell back down on the sole of her feet way too soon, their lips separating with a wet sound as they stared at each others with wide eyes and heaving chests - faces inches apart.

Friends, my ass.

His eyes sparkled as he watched her - a little dazed.

Just when she thought he'd bolt out of here before she could count to three, he surprised her by cuping both her cheeks and claiming her lips harshly - pouring everything he had in him into it. One of his hands dropped from her cheek, and fell to her hip, firmly driving her closer and deeper into him, their twin moans mingling, and her mouth falling into a gasp as she curled an arm around his neck. He seemed to take it as his cue to push his tongue in, and stroke the roof of her mouth before gentling the kiss, their lips tasting each other softly in a tentative dance they had yet to learn the steps for. She hummed into the kiss, and let out an embarrassingly high-pitched moan when he managed to fumble with the fabric of her tunic and splay a warm hand across her bare skin and up-

When she broke the kiss, he kept his hand hot on her skin and watched her under drugged-dropping lids - his eyes still firm on her lips. Wordlessly, she took his hand and walked him to his bedroom.

They didn't talk.

* * *

"I've got to say, I hadn't expected our first time quite that way," Beckett mused as they lay side by side in their post-coital bliss. She watched him, an elbow supporting her so she could hover him, her free hand playing with the sparse hair at his chest.

He gasped. "How many times have you thought about it, exactly?" Castle answered with mocked shock all over his face.

Soft, golden locks fell in wild untamed waves around her face, catching the light of the warm morning as she moved, her eyes gleaming with a whole new light that could only be qualified by love - that he still was convinced he didn't deserve. She was all limbs and mouth, and he was utterly exhausted. But, she was vibrant and happy, and he just had to keep his eyes open for this.

"Because you haven't," she scoffed with a smile, her mouth smearing a quick kiss at his jaw.

"Mmm, no. Pretty sure I haven't," he dragged out lightly, his eyes narrowed in thought.

"Liar."

He laughed as she swapped at his chest biting her lip.

"Okay, how was it different then?" He asked as he slipped up the headboard, taking her with him with a solid arm around her, the sheet gliding dangerously lower and lower - enough for his attention to waver for a bit.

"Well, for starter, I had way more fancy clothes," she answered as she tilted her head up at him and smirked - caught him perusing at the place where the sheet started to fall past the curve of her ass.

"I think it's pretty obvious that I don't care what you wear, Beckett, you've already wooed me," he said looking at her, her eyes darkening into a wild green.

"Oh, I did woo you, didn't I," she hummed with a hint of pride, and he jumped when she trailed a feet up his leg, her teeth catching the skin at his jaw.

"Besides, I like you better naked," he muttered at her assault - the woman never _stopped._

"But hey," he said more seriously. "I meant what I said, Kate."

Sitting straighter, she glanced at him, the playful glint in her eyes gone. He loved how reactive to him she was, he did. The way she spontaneously responded to his touch - it was as mesmerizing as it was hot. They had a tremendous chemistry, he'd give her that. But, he hated that he could cause such bright and expressive eyes to shut down.

"What do you mean?" She asked, the skin between her eyes drawn into a line he ached to smooth down.

"You deserve more than _this_. I'm- I don't want to hurt you."

She rolled her eyes, gently patting his chest, "Yeah, well. Why don't you let me be the judge of that. And, Castle, If we're gonna do that, we will hurt each other eventually."

She gave him a sad smile, and tilted his cheek towards her with a finger, kissed him so slowly he thought he'd start to cry.

Perhaps she was right, and he _hoped_ she was, because there was no way he could ever settle for anything less now.

 **Early update it is! Thank you for your support, I'm really glad you're enjoying the story, I honestly didn't think it would work all that well at first. Each one of your reviews, and words of encouragement always enlightens my otherwise very boring days, so thank you.**


	7. Chapter 7

They had eventually traded her bed for her living room when she had stated she was hungry and he had immediately dialed their favorite thai place. They were now sitting between her couch and her coffee table, on the ground. Well, _he_ was on the ground - she actually practically was in his lap, wearing only an oversized shirt and her hair back into a messy bun, while he had put all of his clothes back on. He still felt like none of it was real, but she was quick at reminding him, constantly cuddling into him like a sleepy _cat_ \- and stealing his food.

"So, I repeat, how do you wanna do this?" he asked, munching on a spring roll as she twirled her chopsticks around in her spicy noodles, a few strands of hair curling around her face and tickling his jaw when she leant into him.

She tilted her head up at him with a slow-spreading, predatory smile and a sharp eyebrow arched up. "What- _this?"_ she asked with that sultry voice she _knew_ drove him wild, pressing herself further into his side, her eyes travelling south and back up with a lip trapped between her teeth.

The little _minx_ , she knew what she was doing-

She laughed heartily throwing her head back when he started choking around his roll, both of them shaking with the force of it as his throat convulsed hard.

"You're mean," he groaned with a rough coughing fit as she regarded him under thick lashes with her sticks pressed up against her rosy pursed lips, eyes sparkling with mischief.

Perhaps he'd find her cute if she wasn't so damn cruel.

"And you're too easy," she offered airily stroking a hand up and down his back in an attempt to help him find his breath back and laying a quick kiss against his shoulder. "But, I don't know, Castle. You tell me."

"I was thinking maybe- maybe you could just show up when you're not working and I guess we could try to convince them you're- or oh- I know-"

Rolling her eyes, she stuffed a fried shrimp into his mouth before he could go and on and on and-

"Ye nood to stoop putthing things in my mouthhs," he jabbed around his full mouth as her eyebrows skyrocketed, mouth opening and closing - visibly searching for a comeback.

"I'm not the one who-" She huffed with a brief shake of her head as he arched an eyebrow at her for that. _Yes, do go on-_ "Anyway. I think you know what's the answer here, you just don't want to ask me."

"Ah, yeah. Guilty as charged." He grinned, fishing from her box while she pinned him with narrowed unimpressed eyes and brought back the box further into her side drawing an immediate pout from him. Alright, she could steal his food, but he would lose his hand if he stole hers?

"The only way that's gonna work is if I'm moving in- _temporarily_."

"Are you sure?"

She shrugged. "I am. I knew what it entailed when I chose to have your back. Besides, I'm supposed to help you. Partners, right?"

Yeah. Why would it be a big deal anyway, right? It's not like it was for _real._ He could share his home with her for a few weeks.

"Engaged partners," he added wiggling his eyebrows, receiving a cushion right into his face for that.

"What about the kids?"

"What about them?" she asked throwing him a sideway glance.

"Are you ok with this?"

"Sure, I'm- _great_ with kids," she mumbled and cringed. Meanwhile, something in her box suddenly seemed really interesting, by the way she stared into it and swiftly changed the subject. "Talking about kids, how's Alexis holding on?"

Smooth, Beckett.

* * *

She had no idea what her role would be here, she wasn't anyone to them and she had never been great with kids to begin with. _Let alone wild kids_. She had figured she would just...be there and help Castle get dinner ready, do the dishes...or something.

"Eh, pretty well actually. She's excited about it," he said, touching his smile to her cheek, and nudging into her soft skin - sharing his adorable thrill with her, her skin tingling.

"Hum. What did you tell her about me? Will she be okay with that?" she answered her tone letting through most of her apprehension despite her efforts to bottle it up as her hand mechanically played with the fine hair at the nape of his neck.

"She will, she'll adore you," he said kissing her temple before retreating and getting his phone out of his pocket to check the time. "Speaking of which, I should probably get going. Alexis should be back from school now and erm, I hadn't planned on being out for so long," he said, his cheeks and the tip of his ears taking an adorable shade of pink she couldn't help stroke with a finger as he averted his eyes like a shy boy.

"Sure," she hummed with an easy smile stretching her lips at his reserve.

He jumped to his feet, grabbing her hand to help her up - watched with slightly glazed eyes as she swayed right back into him, angled his face towards her with a finger in that way she always did when she felt him slip away from her.

"I'll see you soon?"

Beckett tilted her head on a side, the corners of her lips quirking up slowly and her golden eyes crinkling with mirth like flames crackling in the dark as she loosely locked her arms behind his neck and pushed herself on her tiptoes, their noses inches apart.

"Yes, you big idiot. Kinda stuck with me now," she said her eyes so intend on him, he seemed trapped into them - physically unable to look away.

"Good," he answered as rapidly as his eyes snapped from hers and fell on her mouth.

She let him stain her mouth with a quick press of his lips before he stepped back and took his keys on his way off, her eyes never leaving his broad shoulders and his so slightly sunkissed arms - unable to stop herself from smiling like a stupid teenager when he cast her a last glance, the ocean blue of his eyes so clear and serene.

There standing in the middle of her flat, she folded her arms with a short shake of her head.

 _She had him_

* * *

Sarah and Eden were in their bedroom - the guest room he had managed to turn into a cosy child's room before their arrival and he had left them to it. He and Alexis were getting lunch ready waiting for Beckett to drop by with her stuff and he was anxious.

"Dad, will you stop pacing - what is it about that Captain that has you so bothered?" she asked with a sneaky smirk as she sliced tomatoes to add to the sauce.

Huffing, he came to a stop in the middle of the living room and ran a hand through his hair. "I am _not._ " He tried, although her raised eyebrow told him enough - not convincing, right.

"It's just. I don't know." He groaned taking a seat at the bar as Alexis wiped her hands on the towel and looked at him with far too knowing eyes.

"You like her, don't you," she said, her amused smirk falling into a more solemn close-lipped smile. His wise, attentionate kid.

"Would you be okay with that?" He watched as she shrugged and resumed cutting veggies, the corners of her lips easing up nonetheless.

"Sure, she sounds nice. And frankly, you need it, Dad."

He sighed at that, his hand reaching for her and curling around her wrist as her eyes shot up in question. "You're right, I do need...someone. Until not long ago, I was convinced I didn't - couldn't.

"But she changed your mind."

He let out a small laugh, his head shaking as his mind went back to that day she had dragged him to her room so easily, casting such an effective spell on him without even trying. She had so effortlessly pushed through any defenses he had spent weeks building up- had crushed and reduce to shreds any poor reasons he had given himself not to let his heart get involved. He hadn't lied, she had awoken a part of him he thought he would never recover and while it had first seemed like maybe they had a chance - the closer they had gotten the less he could bear the thought of hurting her. Still, she believed in him more than he ever had.

"That she did."

"Ew, dad."

Rolling his eyes, he stood up and circled the bar to kiss his kid's head. "I need you too, kiddo, always will. Don't you forget that."

She nodded and beamed at him, that cute smile of hers making her clear blue eyes sparkle.

* * *

Beckett had come a bit later than they had planned, still, they had lunch together, Alexis and Beckett talking quietly - partly about school, partly about her job as a Captain. He had probably watched with a dumb expression on his face as they exchanged as though they had always known each other. Beckett was so attentive and so careful in everything she said, Alexis soaked it all up with wide eyes and a nodding head and how could she not - that woman was so damn inspiring, he couldn't believe how lucky they all were. He had tried to get the girls to come down with them, but Sarah had told him they would stay up there for now, and he was okay with that. He was. If they needed more time, he would give it to them.

That's how he ended up standing in his office with Beckett walking around and browsing through his library, scanning the whole room with a quiet awe he didn't quite comprehend. He chose to let her go through whatever she found so interesting while he started spreading out the blanket over the couch when she touched his shoulder - making the muscles under the thin piece of cloth jump.

"What are you doing?"

Turning on his heels, he frowned at her as she looked between him and the couch, the lines of her face creased with confusion, the long wave of her hair now in a fast side-braid and she looked _so young._

"Making..the bed?"

He watched as she chewed on her lip - that poor abused lip she kept nagging on, perhaps he just should kiss her to prevent any more-

"Castle, you're not sleeping here," she said crossing her arm on her chest, a steadfast glint in her eyes.

"I'm not?" he asked, eyes wide in puzzlement.

He was well aware that they had slept together not a week ago and that they definitely were _a thing_ \- whatever that was. But he knew Kate Beckett was a woman who needed her space and to be quite honest, he needed his probably more. He wasn't sure he was totally ready to have her in his bed - having her _here_ was already challenging enough and-

"Don't be an idiot, you're almost just as big as that couch." She huffed as she pushed him aside to lay her suitcase on the leathered cushion.

Eyebrows shooting up, he unintentionally let out a bubbling laugh as she watched him with a satisfied smirk and a hand on her hip as she bent over the suitcase to open it - smiling at him doing so.

"Are you sure? I don't want to come out as a rude host," he said as she shook her head and stood to loop her arms around his neck, their noses kissing.

"I am sure," she let out just before kissing the corner of his lips, which quirked up under her soft lips. "Besides, I don't know that I could keep my hands off you," she added with a sly smile and lowered brows that darkened her green forest eyes - her forehead hitting his own as she arched into him in emphasis.

Swallowing hard, he let his hands dumbly fall over her bony hips - barely there at all. "Ehm, yeah. Maybe not the greatest idea."

"I'm ready when you are, Castle," she said going back to her neatly folded clothes with a much more understanding smile, her eyes gleaming with a kind light.

 _I'll wait for you._

She didn't say it aloud, but the soft swirl of green and gold in her eyes, and the relaxed lines of her face were enough to tell him everything he had to know - and it was enough. She was not a woman of many words; but the way she moved and held herself, every shift in the lines of her face, every changing tone of her voice, every changing shade in her eyes was worth a thousand words.

"Hey Castle, can I ask you something?"

With a hasty shake of his head that effectively shut off and stopped any more thoughts from flowing free, he looked at her where she was sitting on the couch next to her suitcase with overcautious, but curious eyes. "Shoot."

"That day you asked to consult with us, you told me you had an idea - for a new book," she started, looking up at him, choosing her words and threading so carefully, her mouth mindful of the words it let free, as though he would bolt of the room. "Have you written anything since then?"

"Uh, Yeah. I did," he offered quietly but couldn't stop himself from fidgeting - he was shifting his weight on one feet and then on the other, because that was really not something he wanted to tackle now.

"Yeah?" she asked around a sigh, her lips stretching around a small and _relieved_ smile, her soft eyes sparkling with a new light he couldn't read.

Taken off guard by the amount of expectation and relief her gaze held, he cleared his throat and averted his eyes in an attempt to breathe past the heavy lump in his throat - perhaps she was right, bolting out of the room sounded like a good plan right about now. "Yeah, but it's honestly not much - a few chapters."

"How many is a few, Castle?" she asked arching a sharp and way too judgemental eyebrow, and how did she know him so well already. It wasn't fair, there was no way he could defend himself.

"Alright, alright. I almost have everything I need," he conceded, his shoulder slumping knowing she wouldn't let him run away no matter how hard he'd try.

Her brows dropped and creased, the lines around her mouth hardening and twitching as she narrowed her eyes and observed- as if trying to _read_ him. "Why- Why didn't you tell me?"

Was she _hurt_?

"I...don't know? I wasn't sure you wanted me to."

"God, Castle. For such a perceptive man, you can be so clueless sometimes," she stated simply, the corners of her lips barely lifting into a shadow of a smile. Standing, she rested her palms on his solid chest to brace herself as she leant and pressed a kiss on his jaw line. He watched with confusion as she checked the time on her watch and patted his chest. "I've got to go, don't wait for me tonight, I'll be back late."

"Can't make any promises," he mumbled his eyes trained on her as she freed her hair from the braid and shook her head briefly with a hand in her hair- her waves falling around her face and cascading down her shoulders in a whirlwind of brown and golden splashes with a swirl of cherry blossoms emanating from it.

She shot him a look behind her shoulder as she walked out of his office, her remarkably rosy lips a striking contrast with the black fabric of her shit. "Fine. Do as you want."

He blinked, the sweet scent of her still lingering in the air and taunting him as she crossed his living room in a few confident strides; the wild curls bouncing on her back and the sharp swing of her hips holding him under some kind of a daze, his legs tied together.

She really _had_ him.

* * *

Once he'd been able to shake himself out of his trance _she_ had roused, he went looking for the girls who still hadn't taken a step out of their room. He had been advised not to take them outside just yet, as they were still trying to acclimate to their surroundings, so he was quite limited there. In moment like these, he wished his mother was still around. He could call her, and really, he ought to since no one had told her about the girls. But, something was holding him back and while he did feel bad about it, he couldn't bring himself to make the call.

He had told himself he would, soon. He would just wait for the girls to get better first, there was no point in adding to their rampant struggles.

Knocking softly, he pushed the door open to slip inside the dimly lit room calling both their names softly.

"Hey, girls. Wanna play a game?"

He saw a shadow move in his side vision where Sarah's bed was, and surely, the girl had stood up and was pushing her glasses up her nose and walked towards him with a shy smile. They almost looked like normal kids now; they had had a shower and were in adorable clean clothes, their hair had been cut and brushed.

"Game?" she asked as she twisted her hands and regarded him with wide but still wary eyes.

"Yes, but we have to go downstairs, is that okay?"

Pursing her lips, she cast a look to the small form on the bed at the other side of the room and looked back at him with a shrug. "I don't know if I'm allowed."

Sighing, he squatted down and closed a hand around a small rounded shoulder. "Of course, you are, why wouldn't you be. This is your home."

The girl gnawed at her lip, seemingly deep in her thoughts. "She won't like it."

"Who?"

Again, the child shrugged and boldly looked somewhere past him.

He turned his head by reflex, but didn't see what she was staring at. He knew that the camera wasn't even in that corner of the room and didn't understand what that was about but tried something nonetheless, "Your sister, you mean?"

Sarah fervently shook her head, thick locks of hair flying around her. "Nuh-uh."

Narrowing his eyes, he tried to think like she did but got nowhere. Perhaps she wasn't ready just yet.

"Okay, look, I'll just go make you girls something to eat," he said squeezing her shoulder."And you can decide when you want to join me, _if_ you want to."

"I'm sorry," he heard her say with such a tiny remorseful voice that his heart bit a little harder against his ribcage.

"Nothing to be sorry about, kid," he said as he drew her into a hug, the girl coming all too willingly and tying her arms around his neck, her face pressed up in his neck in the same way she had done it the first time. Pushing her back, he kissed her forehead before standing up. "Take all the time you need, little birdies need their wings to grow out before they can try to fly, right?"

The giggle he got for that lit up his whole soul, his blood singing and bubbling through his veins with each pump of his elated heart with the thought that maybe- maybe he's enough.

 **Hope you guys had a nice week, and thank you again for the support, it means a lot.**

 **x**


	8. Chapter 8

The first night she had come back hom- at _Castle's_ , and had found the girls in their room awake and _loud,_ she hadn't done much more as to gently ask them to stay quiet for Alexis who was in the adjacent room. Castle and her had decided she would check on them when she got back from work; a way to play her part, but also to make sure they didn't need anything. They still slept quite a lot during the day, and spent a good part of the night wide awake, a habit they had taken in the wild for some reason, and obviously had trouble to break now.

By the second night, an odd feeling had started to nag at her - an uneasiness she couldn't explain, nor shake off when she walked up the stairs that almost made her retreat. She wasn't one to get scared or intimidated easily, couldn't tell what had her pulse galloping for no reason. It was very slight at first, more of a simple intuition, but rapidly got worse; her stomach churning and boiling like molten lava spewing sparks throughout her system, the skin at her nape tingling, the hair of her arms standing up, a violent fight or flight wave submerging her when she stepped on the very last step. Though, she didn't try to explain it, simply assumed she was a bit on edge with everything that was happening lately.

One night, she could have sworn their door had been locked. Yet, Castle had told her the morning after that it was not possible; there was no lock on their door. The little time she got to spend with them, they were quiet in an eerie, unsettling way, and watched her with suspicious eyes - wouldn't talk to her either. Perhaps they simply could feel her nervosity, children did tend to feel things, or so that was what she had told herself.

However, she stopped putting the fault on herself the following week when she witnessed Eden vividly talking into space, seeming to play on her own while Sarah sat on her own bed her back to her sister with a fierce scowl on her face.

" _Hey, what's wrong?" She asked, taping her finger to the kid's nose as she squatted, and faced the girl._

 _Sarah shrugged, and looked down on her lap, shutting her out as usual. "Nothing."_

" _See, I think that's not true."_

 _The girl shook her head fiercely, her scowl only deepening as she grew agitated. "You shouldn't talk to me."_

" _Why's that?" She asked, surprised by such a distressed voice on such a young kid. Sarah always was broody, and although she kept her distance, she was the most receptive of the two. Was the only one who showed more signs of improvement, too._

" _She doesn't like it when you come see us."_

 _Feeling her own brows rise, she tilted her head to chase the girl's eyes, who were purposively looking away. She didn't understand what had the girl so upset, and she had no idea how to proceed. Pretty lame for a NYPD Captain, but that was supposed to be Castle's job. "Wha- Who?"_

" _The light." Sarah raised her head to look at her, her face blank of any emotion when her sister's small, displeased voice joined in._

" _Don't call her that, Sarah, makes her sad!"_

 _Just as Sarah were about to answer, the lights in the room started flickering for a few seconds, and both girls tilted their head up; the smaller girl giggled and clapped her hands as her eyes jumped from one light to the other, while her sister's face hardened and her hands gripped the blanket. "Mama," she muttered._

 _Not paying any particular attention to the lights, she weighed what Sarah had just said, what that had_ _ **meant.**_ _They didn't call her mom, and she didn't want them to, so that was off the table, but maybe...oh. "Oh, do you girls have an imaginary friend? It's okay you know."_

 _That would explain why they stared into space so much, or why they refused to come down. Perhaps, they had invented themselves someone they could trust out there, and were content enough staying up here with that someone._

 _She made a mental note to ask Castle._

 _The lights grew stronger and brighter, their glow so intense that the bulbs sizzled and crackled with a buzzing sound, the three of them narrowing their eyes with a groan. She really had to tell Castle about these lights, something was just completely off._

" _Please, go. I don't want you to get hurt", Sarah moaned, her head thrashing from one side to the other in frustration._

 _When the lights regained their usual intensity, Beckett shook her head and curled a hand around Sarah's arm with a reassuring smile, "Look, no one will get hurt. Whatever is going on, it's not real," she attempted to explain looking deep into her bright blue eyes to make sure she got the message. "Nothing wrong with making stuff up, but it's supposed to be fun - not make you so miserable," she added pushing a strand of the girl's hair behind her ear._

Still, even if that explained most of what she'd witnessed, she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong, it was somewhere deep in her guts. She just couldn't put a finger on it. Shrugging off her coat, and kicking her heels off as she pushed the door of the loft closed, she threw her hair into a quick ponytail, and stepped towards the kitchen where Castle was busy, his back to her with whatever flooded the whole room with a mouth watering smell. Noticing he hadn't heard her come in, she sneaked behind him, and made sure he didn't have anything too sharp in his hands, before sidling her fingers in the loops of his jeans and tugging back as she brought her lips to his ear.

"Hi," she blew out against his skin, and he jerked back into her, propelling her into the kitchen island, his hands dropping the spoon into the sink with a sharp clatter that seemed to snap him out of his focus.

"Fuck- What-" He turned around when she released her hold on him with a satisfied smirk, watched as the dark pupil of his eyes widened and dilated to cover the sparking blue. The lines of his face relaxed as he curled an arm around her, and brought her deeper into him, the thin wrinkles around his eyes creasing with the smile that lit up his whole face.

"You're back," he sighed with a strange hint of wonder in his voice she wasn't sure she liked.

Why wouldn't she come back?

Her own lips quirked up at the way his eyes cleared, and shone oh _so_ heartily for her as she laid a weightless hand on his shoulder. Her eyes swept over the dark blue fabric of his shirt that made his eyes pop so brightly, humming in approval. "Yep, they didn't need me," she stated tilting her chin up, and bringing their lips inches apart, her eyes riveted on his lips as they moved.

"Well, you're always needed here," he rumbled warmly.

And as the words reached her, she felt her heart kick in harder, her pulse throbbing wildly inside the cove of her ribcage. Breathless, she pushed herself up on her tiptoes, bracing herself on his shoulder where her fingers curled around the fabric. After a brief, heated pause, she sealed their lips into a light kiss he welcomed all too glady, chasing her lips with a fervor she didn't expect. His eagerness didn't fail in evoking a visceral surge of want that took her by surprise; flapping wings tickling her inside and fluttering under her skin. Her blood flooded, and furiously rushed through her veins like turbulent waters, and all she could do was moan and harden her gasp around his shoulder to anchor herself; the silky fabric a strange contrast with his rough lips. When her lips parted around a moan, Castle sucked on her lip before plunging in, his hips backing her into the island with a groan. His free hand came up to cradle her jaw, angling her in a way that allowed him a more thorough exploration.

The low, muffled hum forced her lips wide open when he slid a thigh between her legs, their hips clashing. The flash of need the move elicited slashed across her abdomen, turning her legs to jelly, her weight sinking onto him. She groaned, her forehead falling against his collarbone, took a second to catch her breath. "The cameras," she mumbled - _mewled_ out of frustration, the phantom of his lips still lingering over her own, her belly still quivering like a hot, weeping wound.

And he _laughed_ \- she'd slap him if the haze of arousal wasn't so heavy, her mind too drugged on him; on the feel of him, and the strong scent of his cologne.

"You do know I'm the one sending them the tapes, right?"

No, she _didn't._

One of his hand smoothly stroke her back up and down, while the other teared the rubber band off her hair, wild waves tumbling down her shoulder blades in a whirlwind of deep chestnut and golden streaks. His fingers threaded through the soft locks, and she hummed, a shiver running along her spine, and rousing goosebumps across her arms. She tilted her chin up to look at him, the blue of his eyes so deep, and yet so vivid, she felt herself drowning into them. "You do?" She murmured.

"Yeah, the cameras are connected to my laptop. Don't worry, there's no way they can catch us getting it," he said with a sly smirk and a firmer hand at her back, the hand in her hair gripping harder.

But of course, he always had to ruin everything.

Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself off him and pinched his side, ignoring his startled yelp as she stepped away to sit on the other side of the bar. "No need to make it sound so _crude._ "

He shrugged, turning his back to her to resume what he was doing, apparently finishing up with what smelled like lasagnas. "I don't think there would have been anything romantic to what we would have done here, Beckett."

She groaned covering her rapidly warming face with her hands, the muscles around her stomach convulsing at the thought - she _hated_ that man.

"Please, Castle, tell me you're aware there are children upstairs," she mumbled behind her hands, uncovered her face soon enough to see him toss a towel over his shoulder as he turned on his heels to face her, hands on his hips, and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows just how she liked it. Blinking, she let out a stuttered breath, which she tried to conceal with a forced, and short cough; he _absolutely_ didn't need to know how much he was affecting her.

"Relax, I do know. Doesn't mean I can't think about it, does it," he said with a slight frown, lips twitching up in an amused smile as an eyebrow arched up suggestively.

 _Damn him_. She sighed inwardly at his smart boldness.

If he wanted them to thread through shallow waters for the time being, he needed to stop pushing her head first, or else she would lose it, and they'd be both drowning before she could do anything about it. She had a skilled and well-practiced self-control, but even she had _limits._ Even though, he was proving to be excessively good at making her break formation.

Taking a deep intake of breath, she laid her hands flat on the island in a very feeble attempt to get a grip over herself, when her stomach blatantly started gurgling. Eyes going wide and round at the embarrassingly loud sound, she crossed her arms over her angry stomach.

"Ah."

Chuckling, he shook his head at her, and spun around to take the full baking dish, pushed it into the oven and set the timer as an answer. "When was the last time you ate?"

Frowning, she gave it a real thought. She had had breakfast here, for sure, but she couldn't remember if she had actually had anything for lunch. She did tend to forget, or just didn't feel it necessary to waste time eating. "This...morning?" She slowly dragged out, her mouth in a twist, and her nose slightly scrunching up in a wince, bracing herself for what she knew would come.

And...

"Beckett, what did we say about skipping meals?" He chided as he walked over to her, leant his hip against the edge of the counter as he regarded her, disappointment veiling over his blue irises.

A flare of indignation swelled inside her chest at the patronizing tone, but aware that it was his way of looking after her, _show_ her he was paying attention, she tempered it down before it could spring out. "I know, I know. I lost track of time," she explained as calmly as she could, her nails drumming against the marbled surface the only sign of her still bubbling irritation.

"You're lucky I'm here to put a day worth of calories into you in one meal," he answered casually, the corner of his lips curled up in a playful smile as his eyes sparkled warmly at her.

"Yes, I truly am lucky," she said, the words out before she knew it, and she could see the flare of surprise bring a brighter hue to his sky blue eyes as their gazes locked in their own way to exchange without telling.

Well, she was surprised, too.

Nodding, he ducked his head, his lips barely stretched by a shy, closed-lipped smile while he busied himself with getting her a glass of water that he set in front of her, and remained facing her, his hands bracing himself on the counter.

Right, so he was still doubting himself. Chasing the thought away, she laid her chin in the palm of her hand and sighed. She had to ask.

"Castle, haven't you noticed anything...unusual about the girls?" She asked, her teeth nervously scraping at her lip.

* * *

Unusual, uh? Not that he could remember. They didn't interact much, and he saw them a couple of hours a day only, but they seemed fine to him. But Beckett had that strange look on her face, that one she had when she was looking at a murder board, tried to find the missing piece. She looked pensive, but the soft line between her brows was creased deeply, the lines around her mouth strained and her eyes - the usually liquid gold in her eyes had frozen, and darkened.

"Uhm, no. Have you?"

She sighed shoving a hand through her hair, her frustration seeping out of her and radiating up to him. "Yeah, ah. Perhaps it's nothing, and I'm making a huge mountain out of nothing but-"

Frowning at his turn, he raised a hand, and tried to cut her off her rambling, but she just wouldn't _stop,_ leaving him gaping around words that wouldn't come out.

"Beckett-"

"- with everything that's been going on, I'm starting to think-"

"Kate!" He called louder, a hand slapping the slick surface with a wet sound.

And that did the trick.

He saw her eyes jerk back to him from where they had been dancing around frantically with a slightly stunned glint bursting through her eyes.

"Sorry," she mumbled lowering her gaze.

"Just, tell me what you mean by unusual."

She nodded, her eyes back on him, more serious. "They've been talking with something that's not real, I think."

Oh, he felt his own eyes widen in realization, and a short laugh escaped him before he could catch it ."Oh, yeah. Wood mentioned that after their last session, nothing to worry about."

Something like relief seemed to wash over her, her sigh heavy and her frown dissipating slowly, but she didn't really look convinced either.

"You sure?"

He loved that she cared so much about the girls, he did, but she looked way too hung up. Caring was one thing, overreacting was another - but oh, hadn't he been there when he had first stepped into fatherhood? She wasn't their mother, but it probably was the closest she had ever been to being one.

Oh, Kate.

"Something about a mother figure they came up with. Kept them alive all this time, kind of a self-preservation and survival thing. He said they would eventually grow out of it, realize they don't need it anymore," he explained remembering the doctor's own words. _They simply needed a caregiver. In order to survive, they created one, and it worked. That goes beyond your usual imaginary friend, think of it as the parent they needed. This is all too real for them._

Lowering her gaze to the glass of water, she bit her lip. "Did they ever mention a _light_ to you ?"

A _light?_ "No, no. Why?"

Her eyes snapped back to him with a small, thin smile that didn't feel honest in the slightest. "Nothing, nevermind. So, when is dinner ready, I'm starving."

Something was definitely bothering her, and she obviously didn't feel comfortable enough to share. A little while ago, he certainly would have pushed, but her expressions were as closed as they could get, and he knew it wouldn't lead anywhere.

He would just wait.

 **Stay with me guys! It's building slowly but believe me, next chapter is a _turning point(oh)_! This chapter initially was LONGER, way too long and I had to cut it in two. So you know, this should be between 11, and 12 chapters. ****I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying this, I hope I won't disappoint you ;)  
**

 **FYI: This has not been proof read by a beta - all dumb mistakes are therefore all mine. x**


	9. Chapter 9

_A week later._

It was her first day off in what felt like _forever_ , and she truly had missed lounging on a couch with a good book. Although it was early, it was probably already stifling outside anyway; the heatwave hitting the city with full force. She'd rather stay inside for now, the air conditioning hissing almost inaudibly, and blowing a fresh breeze of air that was just enough to rouse a light goosebump along her arms and neck. She was alone in the living room; Alexis was with her mother for a good part of her summer break, and Castle had retreated to his office with his laptop, whining that she was distracting him.

When really...

" _Castle, you haven't typed a word in half an hour, what are you even staring at?" she asked as they lazed around on the couch; him sitting with his legs resting on the coffee table, and her more or less lying, her back against the arm of the couch, and her feet propped up on his lap, just behind his laptop._

 _He huffed, regarding her with accusing eyes from under a deep frown. "You, essentially."_

 _Rolling her eyes, she returned her own eyes to her book. "That I can see," she mumbled. "How is that my fault, anyway?"_

" _Well, you're here," he answered with a shrug as if it was enough of an answer, his cool fingers circling her ankle._

 _She cast him a swift, slightly disconcerted look, "I thought you said I was, and I quote,_ your ' _muse'. Looks like it's not really working all that well for you, bud."_

" _You are, and it_ _ **is**_ _," he whined, his thumb caressing the round, sharp bone. "You're just distracting me," he added with a half-hearted pout._

" _How? I'm reading," she said with narrowed eyes, and a certain edge in her voice - her composure wavering. "_ _ **You**_ _are distracting_ _ **me**_ _."_

 _He shrugged closing his laptop with a thud, and bent to lay it on the coffee table. Her eyebrows rose up as he turned to her, his hand around her ankle more insisting. "Make me wanna do things that ain't writing."_

 _Tilting her head on a side, she bit her lip in an attempt to prevent the impending smile from breaking across her lips, tried to keep a straight face all while her blood started boiling and rushing, the air making itself scarce as her heart picked up speed within her chest. "Oh, really? What kind of things?" she asked in such an innocent way, as his smile further stretched his lips, the distinct darkening of his blue eyes telling her how much he appreciated that, more than willing to play._

 _He hummed low in his throat, her own chest vibrating with it in concert as his fingers crept up her ankle, and inside her thigh until they reached the hem of her shorts, her blood singing under the delicate trail. "Things we shouldn't be doing here," he said, taking the book and letting it drop to the floor._

 _She blinked, swallowed past her dry throat as she pursed her lips to fight a moan from escaping her as the muscles around her stomach twitched, and coiled. That man, and his ability to make her come undone at the slightest touch - totally unfair. "Why?" she asked around a short breath that was really more of a pant, as she watched him move to hover above her, his knees bracketing her legs and his hands bracing himself against the couch._

 _His eyes bore intently into hers, the cerulean blue gaining in intensity as his chest started heaving more erratically. "Does it really matter?" He blew over her lips, his glance now on her mouth, and if she hadn't already been out of breath from the moment he had laid a finger against her skin, he assuredly stole her last one when he dived into her, his mouth bruising, but excruciatingly slow, with just the right amount of pressure. Her hands searched for something to hold onto in response, fingers gripping around his arms, clinging to the soft fabric of his tee shirt at his chest, before settling around his neck, her nailed scratching through his hair, digging into the hard flesh. She let a hand roam free, toying with the hem of his shirt, skimming a swift, lithe hand under it to curl against his warm skin as he moaned hotly in her mouth. His own large hand came to span her side as his lips dropped to her jaw, teeth slowly scraping and nipping down her throat, licking his way into the hot pool of her collarbone, making her back arc up into him, her hips thrashing up to find contact as arousal flashed and zipped through her. Breathless, she pulled on his hair hard enough that he lifted his head with inquiring eyes; his own arousal a thick veil glazing his gaze._

" _Go write, Castle," she sighed around a short heavy breath, bringing his lips back on her for a quick peck before she pushed him back. "Perhaps there will be more of this later," she added more easily with a slow smirk, his eyes widening as his hand squeezed her hip bone. "But first, I want you to write," she said arching a brow pointedly, a small laughed bubbling out of her as he nodded avidly above her when she patted his cheek before pushing against his chest to send him away._

She let out a huff, and shook her head in disbelief, although the small smile that teased her lips hinted more. Sure, _she_ was distracting him. Her lips stretched into a larger smile that she concealed into the slick cushion of the couch as she recalled the way his eyes had hungrily swept over her, his touch so deliberate and already so cunning. They _were_ taking it slow, but neither of them could keep their hands off each other for very long.

She snapped out of her train of thought when she heard steps coming from the stairs. Frowning, she angled her face towards them, her eyes widening when she saw Sarah shyly walk to her; her feet bare, and her hair down as always. Well, that was a first.

Sitting, she laid her book on the coffee table, and watched the child round the couch to sit across to her, eyes on her lap, and ever so silent. "Hey, what's bringing you here?" She asked with, she tried, a cheerful voice - probing gently.

The blonde girl merely shrugged one shoulder, her hands twisting. "I was bored."

No wonder, how could such young girls stay locked up in a room for _days_? Nodding to herself, she attempted to come up with something that could entertain the girl, something that wouldn't involve too much interactions. Oh, _oh, of course_.

"All right, Do you wanna do something, then?"

Again, she shrugged without looking at her. "I dunno," she mumbled.

"What about a movie?"

Frowning, the girl raised her head, and glanced at her with bright blue eyes. "A movie?"

Right, did she even remember what those were?

"Just you wait here, and grab the blanket if you're chilly. I'll see what I can find."

Standing up, she cast a last glance to the girl, who gathered her legs under herself and grabbed the light blanket that was always there, folded at the very end of the couch - just in case. She padded her way to the TV, and crouched down to browse through his DVD set, her eyes widening. The man had an impossible large and diversified collection; at least, she would find something. Coming across what looked to be Alexis' section, she laid her finger on the spine of one of the thin boxes and took it out. Uh, the Lion King, eh?

With a shrug, she turned the DVD player on, and pushed the disc inside, turned the TV on, and fumbled with the remote control to find the right button. When the TV lit up with the Home screen, she pushed play, and strode back to the couch. From what she could remember, it was a nice movie, not too violent either for a first - she thought.

For the first half hour, the girl watched with entranced, and fixed eyes, a thin smile etched to her lips, her fingers drumming on her legs during most songs. A short while later, she heavily dragged herself closer to Beckett, let her head rest on Beckett's lap as she let out a small sigh.

Noticing the girl's drooping eyelids, Beckett shook her head with a small smile, softly running her fingers through the girl's hair.

* * *

Castle closed his laptop with a sigh, let his weight sink in the back of the chair, the leather sighing. It wasn't working, an hour cloistered in his office, and he hadn't written anything nowhere near publishable. Oh, he was inspired all right. And while he had retreated to his office so he would not longer be distracted by her, he could still not get her out of his mind. He had done some writing, he really had. But he was also a hundred percent sure it violated every possible law against obscene materials - not that he would ever dare send this to _anyone_.

It was totally her fault, really.

He blew out a strong breath as he stood up, and stepped out of his office. Since he couldn't think about anything but her, perhaps it was just best to join her.

Though, the sight that greeted him stopped him in tracks; Beckett and Sarah both looked fast asleep, the girl's cheek crushed against Beckett's thigh, and he felt like his heart would burst, the abused muscle contorting. He could see the TV displayed the home screen of the Lion King, and a smile took over his lips - they'd watched a movie together.

Slowly, he padded over to Beckett, and crouched down to run his fingers along her hairline, the fine hair tickling his skin. She began to stir quicker than he'd thought, her long lashes fluttering open, and revealing a veiled warm brown as she blinked a couple of times, her mouth twisting around a yawn.

Laughing, he brushed his hand over her hair, and lowered his head to give her a very light kiss, her lips curling into a sluggish smile under his mouth. "Well, look who decided to take a nap."

"Wasn't really planned, ya know," she grumbled before sitting up, her hair adorably tousled up.

"Do you want me to pick her up to her room?" he asked.

Her eyes widened slightly as she glanced at the girl, as if only now remembering she was there.

"Uh, no. I'll go, just. You stay here," she said, her eyes clearing up, and gaining a more usual golden glow as she patted his cheek.

He trapped her hand before she could take it back, keeping it flat against his cheek as he turned his head to smudge a quick kiss against it. "Always."

Rolling her eyes, she slowly stood up all while getting the tall child in her arms. The girl didn't exactly roused, but mumbled intelligible syllables as she curled her legs and arms around her.

* * *

Beckett grunted inwardly, tightening her hold on the child and _geez_ , was she heavy. Of course she was, a ten-year-old child was not supposed to be held. She entered the dark room silently, tried not to wake Eden who appeared to be fast asleep - as often during most of daytime. Lowering the girl on the bed, she felt her dislodge herself with a moan before she turned and fell quiet once again. Beckett threw the cover over the girl and made sure to tuck her in before she walked out, her mind still wrapped around a thick fog.

She was about to step down the stairs, when she felt a buzz inside her jeans pocket where her phone was. She took it out, and looked at the screen that displayed nothing; no notifications of a call, or a text. With a deep frown, she swept her thumb across the screen of her phone when she felt another buzz, a searing heat emanating from the device in a sharp sting that made her hiss. Balancing the phone on her other hand, she inspected it. What the _hell_?

With an annoyed huff, she shook her head, and stepped down when a powerful, earthshaking charge flared up her arm, and flowed through every nerve and vein until it reached the ground. The strength of the shock threw her off her feet, and down the stairs soundless; the electricity still snaking, and running through her making it impossible to scream, or do anything to catch herself as a paralyzing pain seized her chest.

Her full senses caught fire before she could hit the last step, a heavy dark, smokey coat quickly smothering her seconds after she hit the floor; all pain finally vanishing.

* * *

He watched Beckett walk away with the girl in her arms, and stood up at his turn, walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He didn't know about her, but he was _starving_. Peering inside, he thought of something for lunch, only to be met with rather useless most random items. Right. Forgot to swing by the grocery store. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he dialed their favorite take out place and ordered their usual, when a weighty, and muffled but loud sound of something hitting the floor made him jerk his head up and slam the door of the fridge.

 _What…_

Confused by such an unusual sound he couldn't quite pinpoint, he headed for the stairs where the commotion had come from, the immediate nightmarish sight of her tying his legs together, and pulling hard, the floor rolling from under his feet. He was unable to move for a moment, completely rooted as his mind went blank, his eyes transfixed on the slouched - _dumped_ lifeless form.

It was only after a long and silent pause that his chest cracked open, and burst in millions of broken fragments, acid burning up his throat as he croaked out a distressed cry.

" _Kate!"_

 **Again, thank you for your support. I really am happy you guys are enjoying this.  
**

 **Also to answer a guest: yes, if you've seen the movie, you can obviously guess the course of event. But I did change, and turn a few stuff over. Point was just to have some fun putting Castle, and Beckett in a pretty weird universe/situation.**

 **There'll be another two chapters after this, and probably a short epilogue. Though, I'd like to keep writing once that one done. I started something, but am not sure yet whether I want to go down that path. I'd just like you to know that you can send prompts my way here, or on my tumblr, if you want. x**


	10. Chapter 10

Her heart stopped twice on the road to the Presbyterian Hospital.

Her heart stopped, and he was asked to remove his hands off her while they worked to revive it. Her heart stopped, and his own seem to beat harder, and stronger for her - straining to replace her own, and he really wished he could breathe for her. Everything was happening so fast; urgent shouts, and frantic movements all blurring before him as he tried to wrap his mind around it all.

How could he, she was _dying_.

And there was nothing he could do, but watch.

* * *

Her condition started to improve by the second day, her stats were good, and the swelling in her brain the fall had provoked was already resolving itself. She was highly monitored, but she was _safe._ And here he was, sitting mournfully in his chair, squeezing her hand hard; hoping she would give him a sign she'd come back to him soon. The whole room was silent in an awfully oppressive way, the harsh smell so sterile that it burnt his nose and the back of his throat as she laid so incredibly still, the quiet heaving of her chest, and the persisting bleep of the machine the only proof of life he'd had so far. They kept telling him to be patient, that she needed the rest. And while that made perfect sense, he'd seen her doctor look at her chart countless of times, and then give her silhouette a worried look, as if something was out of place.

They had found a deep, angry burn inside her palm, and another similar - though lighter - one on the sole of her right foot. Her doctor had told him it was a clear indication that she had received an electric shock that had travelled from her hand to her feet, which had probably caused her heart failure shortly after. Two days after, he still couldn't figure out what had happened - electric shock? It didn't make any _sense._

He stroked the soft skin of her hand, mindful of the IV running fluid into her body, his back bowing as he let his forehead drop on the mattress. Letting out a sigh, his whole body shivered with dread;he couldn't do this. Seeing her so lifeless broke him in ways he'd never thought possible, the fear clawing at his chest, and clogging his throat viciously. He had no idea what to do, he needed her to tell him, couldn't even tell who he was without her anymore. She'd been such a rock all this time, he didn't know if he could function without her - or wanted to.

The sound of the door opening made him jerk his head up as he jumped to his feet. Her doctor walked in with a firmly closed-lipped smile, and as he faced Castle his arms folded over his chest. Castle could tell by the tense lines around the doctor's face, that he wouldn't like what he had to say.

"I'll be straightforward, here. It seems that here has entered a phase of coma. There has been very little responses to any of our stimulus, that _should_ have woken her up by now," he said, gazing at the unmoving form in the bed, before going for her chart.

 _Coma…_ The word turned his blood cold, his chest constricting at the thought. The soul consuming pain seizing his chest brought him back into the chair, his eyes caressed her face, yearning to see those big expressive eyes open. He felt in such a dark place, only she could bring the light back. But as he stared at her, he felt his throat tighten. Whatever had happened, it was his fault - it always was. He _knew_ he never should have let her get so close. One way or another, he had caused this.

But it was too late to back off; she _completed_ him, and he needed her.

"How? Why?" So many questions rushed, and burnt the tip of his tongue, aching to be answered, begging to understand.

The man shrugged with no further signs of compassion. "Hard to say, her scans are as good as can be in her condition. But, in some cases, people just refuse to wake up, and it's not always clear why. She might just need more time, or something is holding her down. She went through a lot."

Shaking his head, he gauged the doctor with narrowed eyes. That was not the answer he needed, _not clear why?!_ Nothing made sense, the words flooded through an ear and dripped down the other, his mind unable to assess any of it - drowning. "What do we do?"

"We wait. There's nothing we can do, medically. She could wake up tomorrow, or in two months - there's no telling when exactly. Good news is, we've assessed her as a 12 on the GCS, which means that it is pretty minor, and we can expect her to wake up sooner rather than later," the man said as he started writing on the chart.

He couldn't just _wait,_ and do _nothing_. His breathing picked up in speed, his own body in the grip of a desperate turmoil - his guts whirling as he grew agitated.

"No, look, that's not enough. Tell me what to do, I need to do something. There _has_ to be something."

"I'm sorry. The best you can do is probably talk to her, and perhaps hope that wherever she is, she'll hear you, and trust you enough to wake up. The mind is a mysterious thing, if it decided to shut down, there's a reason," he finished with a small smile, as he hung her chart back at the foot of the bed. He walked to her side, lifted her eyelids one after the other to flash his light up and down, and grumbled something under his breath.

"But...That's not all," he added with caution, looking up at him. "Her eye response is slow, and have been since her admission, she must have hit the back of her head in her fall. Now, that's where the occipital lobe, which is the part of the brain that contains the vision centre is. It could also be a result of the electric shock, but that's not as likely. What is sure is that, at the present time, she is not responding to light.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that there's a real possibility here of a post traumatic cortical blindness. But this could very well be a temporary state, but you have to understand that if her sight does not return in 4 to 10 days, there could be lasting damage. And if she doesn't wake up before that, there's no way we can tell. _But_ as I said, we are hoping she will wake up shortly-

 _Blindness._

He blinked as his own vision started to blur and tunnel, whatever the doctor was still talking about too far for him to grasp. She _couldn't_ be blind, she was a _Captain,_ she was- She just couldn't be.

-Now, we'll need you to come sign a few forms for her stay here," he heard when he managed to snap out of the initial shock, the doctor walking out without with his blouse flying behind him.

Looking back at Kate, he let his face drop into his hands with a shuddering breath.

Everything was falling apart.

* * *

The drive to the loft had been quiet so far, but turned sour fast. He had picked up the girls from their therapy session - and he was grateful that Wood was so incredibly willing to watch the girls while he was visiting Kate. He managed to put on a mask for them, had to be the strong one, when he had never felt so weak. He felt like his soul had been split into two, one part threatening to come loose. It didn't help that his mind couldn't stop thinking about Kate, his nerves boiling, concern flashing across his chest at the mere thought of her waking up alone, unseeing. He had told Esposito and Ryan, who tried to visit as often as they could, and they had called her dad, though he hadn't met the man, yet. Still, being anywhere but with her felt wrong.

He should be there.

"Is she gonna be okay?" He heard from the back seats, the distinct voice of Sarah quiet, and tentative.

 _No_

"I- I don't know," he answered the only way he could. It was true, he had no idea, and lying to her, or himself wouldn't do them any good. He had learnt that the hard way.

"It's all my fault," the girl whined, and he frowned, casting a swift glance back to look at the quietly sobbing child, her face pressed up in her seat.

"What? Of course not!" he answered, his voice hitching in disbelief as he redirected his gaze on the road.

"She don't like her," he then heard Eden sing-song. She, her - _who_?

"What do you know?!" Sarah shouted angrily, her red face all he could see in the front mirror.

"She got her, she with her now!" Eden added forcefully, her legs kicking in his seat.

Sarah moaned, and he snapped - his patience long gone. He had no idea what it was about, and had no intention of figuring out for now.

"Okay, whatever this is about, stop now. Both of you," he scolded, making sure he stared straight into the mirror, as both girls fell quiet with scrunched up faces.

From what he'd seen lately, they hadn't done much progress since they had first came home with him, and seemed stuck - as though something was holding them back.

He needed to talk to Wood.

* * *

He woke violently, his chest burning, and his throat convulsing around a fit of cough as he desperately reached for something to brace himself onto before realizing he was in his bed. Taking a deep gulp of breath, relief washed over him, and confusion rolled and crashed on him like ruthless tides when it became clear that he wasn't in fact drowning. Blinking, he sat up to find the sheets pushed at the far end of the bed, which he realised was drenched. He looked down his top that was just as wet with a frown, and groaned. Jumping out of the bed, he took his top off and threw it down on the floor as he walked in the attending bathroom and pushed his pajama bottoms down. He reached for the taps of the shower, and only allowed the cold water to run as he jumped in and faced the nozzle; harsh, unforgiven icy water replunging him into the dream, and tearing a gasp out of him as he abruptly stepped back, and rubbed his hands across his face, chest heaving.

The nightmare was anchored behind his eyelids, every tiny detail flashing before his eyes in a series of pictures. It had, and still felt so real, that the hair on his forearms pricked up - his heart still wildly thrumming as a suffocating sense of dread pooled heavily in his stomach.

He needed to write it all out.

Jumping out of the shower, he fastened a towel around his waist, and stepped back into his bedroom to slip into a pair of fresh boxers, and a clean top. When he walked past _her_ couch in his office, he felt his legs weaken, and his heart constrict painfully with the need to see her. Awake.

Tomorrow was day four. Four days since he had last seen her sparkling eyes on him.

Six days from now, they might never see again.

* * *

He talked to her, any moment he could have with her alone - he talked to her. About anything; the letters Alexis sent him about her summer with her mom, his publisher who just asked him to sign for four more books, the call he had almost made to his mom but hadn't had the strength to (again).

He touched her; kept her hand firmly but carefully cradled in his, brushed his fingers along her hairline, and down her face, cupped her jaw, and swept his finger across her pale lips.

He watched her, couldn't possibly take his eyes off her - attentively registered every flutter of her eyelids, every flexing of her fingers that made him feel like she was listening to him.

"You know, we never went on date," he started with the shadow of a smile as he recalled their first kiss, "I plan on fixing that, you know? You, Me. Dressed up, or not. In some fancy restaurant, or at Remy's. I wouldn't care, as long as you're with me."

He felt a finger twitch under his hand, the tentative move causing his heart to do a sharp flip inside his chest, hope flaring bright - but falling flat. "So, you need to wake up. We need y- _I_ need you," he choked around a strangled breath, stubborn tears clogging his throat.

"Am I interrupting something?" He heard from behind, the sudden voice catching him off guards. Sniffing, he turned around in his seat to see an old man with greyish hair, and tired eyes.

"Uh, no, no. It's fine," he answered as the man gauged him; his eyes easily travelling to their joined hands.

"I'm Jim," the man added as he stepped closer, "Beckett."

 _Fuck._

Letting go of her hand, he jumped to his feet, and cleared his throat, "Sir! Richard Castle," he introduced himself extending a hand.

"Ah, of course. I recalled her mentioning you, once or twice.." he said with a playful glint in his eyes he didn't quite get as he shook his hand. "How is she?"

His eyes went back to her, and he shrugged. "Nothing's changed so far."

The man hummed, and walked to her side, "She'll be all right, son. If you know her as well as I think you do, then you know that," he said looking at him with warm eyes that held such strong faith, and confidence, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "She's not one to give up easily."

He let out a short laugh, as he shook his head, "Yeah, she uh- yeah," he mused as he gazed at her - the words out of reach, everything failing him.

He hoped her dad was right. She was strong, but it seemed like something was looming over her, and holding her down to her bed, and far from him. He didn't know why, but he could feel how far she was from him - her body just an empty shell, a mirage he was dying to believe was real.

He could only hope she'd find a way back.

* * *

"Are you nice and relaxed? Are you feeling sleepy?" Dr Wood asked with a paused, quiet voice as Sarah laid on a couch facing him, the little girl playing in another room. Since the oldest girl was the most responsive, he had to try to get the story out of the her. He was getting close, but he needed to be sure. "I'd like you to tell me about Mama. Did she live in that house with you?"

The girl's lids spasmed, but remained closed as she moaned. "In the lights…" she mumbled.

His thin eyes narrowed as he wrote down her answer down on his pad. "She hides in the light?"

"Everywhere."

"Where is she now? Do you know?"

"No. She hurt Kate."

Nodding, he inhaled in a heavy breath. He had suspected the incident was related to.. whatever they were dealing with, but that was definitely the confirmation he needed.

"Did she tell you why?"

"She's jealous."

"I want you to tell me the story again. Can you tell me the story?"

"It was a long time ago, a lady ran away from the hospital for sad people. She took her baby. She jumped into the water."

"How could you know the story, Sarah? Did Mama tell you that story?"

"Showed me, in dreams. She fell into the water, but the baby didn't."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Mama didn't show you?"

"She doesn't know what happened to her baby. She went walking in the woods. Looking for it. She searched for a very long time. Found us."

"Did she ever tell you her real name?"

"Yes."

* * *

Dr. Wood sat in his chair, both girls now under the watch of his assistant as he grabbed his recorded and pressed play, "Subject A - Sarah Rodgers - Seventh session was more than revealing. I think there might be a door, a passage, that connects _Mama_ into this house...though forster family still hasn't shared any concerns out of the ordinary. There is no rational explanation that supports this theory. But it is only the ability to embrace the different reality, that makes science expand beyond the limits of what we know. I shall keep digging, but I am now more than ever getting closer and closer to the real subject of my study." Stopping the recording, he sighed and swung back in his chair.

Opening the file before him, he pressed play again: "Eleanor Darcey, Patient at the New York City Lunatic Asylum from 1850 to 1853. Gives birth to a girl in May 1853 inside the walls of the asylum. While her baby was taken away from her almost immediately, patient manages to get her back and escape. They were never found. Subject A confirmed both story, and name."

The doctor finished his sentence, when he heard the knock. "Come in," he said, sitting straight in his sit and joining his hands on the desk as the man walked in. "Ah. Mr Castle. I was about to call you, there's something we need to discuss."

The man sat in the chair across to him, the look on his face raw, and eroded by worry. His voice strained, and weighed down, "Sure."

"Right. I know you wanted to talk about the girls - and we will. But, I might know how to save your fiancée, and I strongly recommend you to hang on tight."

 **FYI: There are three chapters left, epilogue included. So, yeah, we're getting close to the end. That's where it gets pretty strange. Bear with me ;)**

 **Considering the end of the ficathon is very close, I will most probably update twice next week to stay on top of it.**

 **Thanks for your kind support x**


	11. Chapter 11

He agreed to follow Wood.

Castle still couldn't wrap his mind around anything the man had said, the conversation playing again and again in his mind like a broken record - or worse, a really bad joke. He had first thought it was one, when Wood had started talking about the real subject of his research that he called "Entities from beyond". He had been really imperative on not calling them spirits, or ghosts, but rather broken souls stuck on earth in the form of a powerful energy. He had stared blankly at the doctor as he explained how he thought his girls were deeply linked to one, which he had suspected long ago during one of his sessions with them. Everything sounded completely surreal, but when the man had mentioned Kate, his mind had frozen. She had mentioned something being wrong with the lights, and she had inexplicably gotten an electric shock. As hard as it was to believe, the elements added up, and the more he thought about it, the clearer the picture. Dr Wood had promised to tell him the whole story later, needing him to see something first.

So, he had called Jim to ask him to take the girls, and followed Wood.

They were walking along shelves in what looked to be a gigantic dark and moist hangar. The lightning was dull, and troubling; their elongated shadows splashed on the concrete floor, running before them. He had no idea where they were, or why, but the atmosphere alone of the place had his pulse breaking into a wild canter.

"Welcome to aisle 17, Mr Castle. Every archive has one. Lost and found of things people don't wanna find," the doctor started, his voice booming and bouncing against the shelves as he led the way. "Story is, when an old cemetery closed years ago, some of the oldest, smallest remains were not claimed by the relatives. They were sent here to be filed instead. Now, I'm not a religious person, but I do believe, there's a place for human remains. And that's not on the shelf in a Government building," the man finished looking around thoughtfully.

Castle swallowed roughly as he stared ahead, the long, and narrow aisle stretching out endlessly and plunging into a pitch black dark cove.

"Do you believe in _ghosts?_ " Wood asked so suddenly, that his heart lurched out of its den.

"Frankly, I can't say that I do," he answered around a short breath. Or perhaps, it was just something he liked to tell himself. Yet, he realized how wrong everything had felt lately, was finally letting himself see it. "Though, I might have to change my mind..." he dragged out with a huff, looking around him as a shiver ran through him.

The doctor hummed. "When a corpse is left out. The elements withered, dessicated...come together, and generate a great energy. What I call an entity mostly is an emotion bent out of shape, condemned to repeat itself, time and time again. Until it rights the wrong that was done," Wood explained quietly, and casually as though they were discussing the weather. "It can go anywhere, use any electronic device, take the form of anything they want - I caught it on the tapes you sent me," he added, looking at him pointedly. "Why your nieces are behaving particularly strange, why Sarah called it a _light,_ and I'm pretty sure Kate's accident was all the entity's doing."

He had caught it on the tapes - caught _what_ exactly? The thought alone of _something_ in his loft was terrifying enough, he couldn't tell how he would have reacted presented with hard proof before today. But it did explain why Kate had appeared so on edge, asked him odd questions about the girls, too. Still, whatever they were dealing was, why hurt Kate? Wh- " _Why_?"

Wood regarded him with a blank expression on his wrinkled face. "Let me show you something," he said as he stopped, and grabbed a box from the shelve. When he lifted the lid, a strong smell escaping from a deep crimson red sheet made them cover their mouth with a groan.

"What the hell is that?" Castle mumbled from behind his hand.

"The wrong," the doctor stated simply as they stared at the bundle. "Eleanor Darcey - jumped off a cliff with her baby in her arms, thought they had both drowned. But he got stuck on a branch, left there to die. Sarah told me _she_ still is looking for him."

His dream, that was what he had dreamt about last night - he had seen her. Perhaps, _she_ had shown _him. Fuck._

"Still, why hurt Kate?"

"The entity has taken up the role of the girls' mother to replace her own child she lost. I can imagine she saw Kate as a threat, and proceeded to eliminate it. But now, now we have it."

"And, so what?"

"So, we're gonna give it back to her, and hopefully, she'll be able to find peace."

* * *

Wood proceeded to tell him that everything had probably started in the woods, where the entity had found the girls, and offered going there to leave the remains. He had called it a trade - the baby, for Kate's life. When they got there, the sky was already painted in pinkish and greyish tones - the sun disappearing behind the horizon line. They walked silently through the thick forest as the wind whistled between the trees, leaves rustling under their feet.

"Do you think Kate will wake up if that works?" he asked, because he had to. If he had to believe anything that was happening, he had to find hope, _solace_ where he could. Her doctor had said something was holding her back, right? What if that was it? What if _he_ could do something else than just _wait._

"I sure hope so. I'm not clear on Kate's conditions, but if the entity has anything to do with it, then, yes. I'd say she'd wake up," Wood answered, his thick eyebrows all Castle could see in the nightfall.

Hope flared back bright and warm in his chest, his legs urging him to walk faster in his earnest to have her back.

"There's only one way to find out," the doctor said as they neared a small, dilapidated cabin that under different conditions, he would have never _ever_ gotten close to.

They stopped to take a look at it, the wooden structure in rough shape, though an oddly intact chime was dangling from the porch; the wind playing eerie notes into the darkening woods. Castle wrapped his light jacket tighter around him in an attempt to shield himself from the disturbing atmosphere, more than to keep himself warm. When they pushed the door open, and stepped inside, the wood creaked under their shoes, ravens bursting out so suddenly that both men took a step back with twin startled shouts. When they reached, and stepped into what must have been some kind of living room, Wood quietly laid down the red bundle on the floor, with measured gestures.

"Eleanor, we have your baby," he said loudly as they took a few steps back. "It's over."

A strong gust of wind rushed into the room, from the open door, to the windows of the living room, making leaves swirl in the air as lights flared furiously from the old, dusty bulbs, and went off and on. "That's right, it's okay," Wood soothed, under Castle's stunned and blank look.

When suddenly, the lights became so violently glaring that they could feel the warmth emanating from them, the heat stifling and harsh, and had to shade their eyes and cast their head down. When they raised they head, the sheet had been pushed aside, exposing the remains. Though, it wasn't what had the men gasping aloud and taking brisk steps back until their backs hit the wall.

A bright blob floated above it, similar to a ball of fire, though no warmth escaped from it, unlike the lights. The globe remained hovering for a few minutes before it collapsed, and vanished altogether.

The men didn't move, nor talk for a moment, each trying to come to terms with what they had just witnessed. Though their expression was strikingly offbeat. Wood stared ahead with a floored but exalted expression on his face, while Castle blinked, his chest heaving drastically fast as his system urged him to take flight. Yet, his feet remained rooted, until his buzzing phone startled him back to consciousness. Looking at the screen, a text from Jim provoked a second shock:

 _She is awake, but had to be sedated._

 _You should hurry._

* * *

She was still under when he walked in, as if she hadn't woken up in his absence. She looked just as peaceful, just as unreachable. Except that she had woken up, and had panicked when she'd realized she couldn't see. She'd woken up panicked, and scared, and he hadn't been there.

But it was over.

He sat in his chair next to her with a heavy sign, his hand wrapping around hers instantly, seeking contact and comfort as the last few hours weighed on him. There was only so much a man could handle, and being confronted by the _afterlife_ wasn't one. No one ever should. It had rocked things within him that he hadn't been aware existed before, his perception of the world so much broader. He let his eyes travel her figure from head to toe, his heart swelling, and pumping urgently. If he had learnt anything, it probably was that people wasted too much time, and he wouldn't anymore. He loved her. He loved her so deeply, and wholly that there was no point in fighting it, couldn't see any reasons to now. He tightened his grip around her hand when he saw her eyelids spasm. "I love you," he blurted out, the words forcing the wall of his lips on their own accord, his whole self deflating.

"And you've got to wake up," he continued more quietly, but resolutely, his eyes hungrily taking her in. She angled her face towards him in her sleep, as if guided by his voice. "I know it's scary. Hell, I'm scared."

He was, had been. Witnessing such a sighting definitely could change someone, from the root of their own humanity. It wasn't the fear of being oddly aware that they could very well be surrounded by stray souls. It was the deep, heavy fear of letting insignificant details get in your way, of living with regrets - or worse, leaving the world you know bearing them like a burden, stuck in a world where you don't belong, begging for someone to listen, and help you.

"You'd never believe what happened," he said around a strangled breath. "I hardly believe it myself. I should have taken you more seriously."

He had just finished talking, when her eyes parted. She blinked a couple of times, her tongue running over her dry lips. And he watched. He watched her come back to him, the overwhelming sense of relief crashing into him in tides. A relief he attempted to contain when lines appeared on her forehead, her brows creasing with pain - or confusion. Her eyes swept the room frantically, never settling, and he felt more than saw her start to panic, her chest heaving, and her head thrashing side to side.

"Hey, Kate. Easy, easy," he tried, with as much calm as he could muster. However, it didn't have much effect. She kept blinking, and raised a hand to her eyes with a _distressed_ moan.

" _Castle_ "

"Yes, I'm right here," he reassured her, his other hand coming to fully envelop her whole hand firmly, so she could _feel_ him.

"Castle? Where are you, why-" she muttered, and slurred and his heart broke at the way her eyes looked in his direction but way past his shoulders, the irises so dark and devoid of any emotion - blank.

"Here, feel that? I'm just right here," he added squeezing her hand, and intertwining their fingers. Her own fingers curled harshly around him with a desperate hold.

" _Noo_ , why- My _head_ ," she mewled, and screwed her eyes shut, her chest hiccuping as a lone stubborn tear rolled down the valley of her cheek. He felt his chest crack wide open, his heart exposed, and defenseless. He couldn't bear seeing her in so much pain, he wished he could wrap her in his arms, and make it all go away for good. Instead, he settled for a warm kiss on the corner of her eye as his thumb skidded over her closed lid. He stayed there, murmuring sweet nothings, until eventually, her breathing evened out.

"Doctor said it'll be painful for a lil while. That's why you need to calm down, okay?"

"I can't see," she grunted keeping her eyes firmly shut, as he felt the tension mount, and buzz under his fingers.

"I know," he said simply as he sat back.

"It's so...dark," she breathed out with a small voice, her fingers gripping him, nails digging and piercing his skin.

"I know, I know," he chanted as his hand drew shallow paths along her hairline, trying to get her to relax, and her eyes opened to stare at the ceiling. "It's temporary, Kate."

"I'm scared." It was low, and small, and so pitiful that he held a breath - her brutal pain and deep distress cutting through him like a stab.

"And that's okay. Do you remember what happened?" he asked softly. He didn't want to urge her, didn't need the confirmation, not after what he'd seen. He needed to _know,_ yet he didn't want her to remember.

"No- I, _ugh,"_ she moaned hiding her face into her cushion, jaw tight. The lines of her face tensed drastically, the vein at her forehead popping out as a thin sweat stuck her hair to her skin.

"Okay, I'm calling a nurse," he let out with a grunt as he dislodged her hand from his, and stood with a mechanical, frustrated snort.

"No," he heard her cry out, his eyes widening in response as she extended her hand. "Just, hop in with me. Please," she pleaded, her eyes back on the ceiling.

"I- I'm not sure I can-"

"I can't see you, let me feel you."

Stroking a hand down his face, he felt himself deflate. He wanted to have her close, feel her weight against him, feel her _here._ "Okay," he relented as he rounded the bed, kicked his shoes off, and slipped under the cover as cautiously as he could. She draped herself all over him as soon as he was settled, her open mouth a his neck, and a hand curled tight around the fabric of his chest. "Better?" he mouthed softly, before letting his lips fall to the skin above her eyebrow.

Her eyelids dropped almost instantly, her body giving way as she sighed.

And for the first time since he'd seen her awake, she finally looked relaxed.

 **Since super beta is done read proofing everything, I figured I would update earlier. Especially since this chapter, and the next one are shorter than usual (it originally was ONE chapter, but I thought It was kind of long).**

 **I know we've dove right into the crazy stuff here, I swear there's no more of that left - kinda.**

 **Here's the update schedule:**

 **Tuesday, Chapter 12**

 **Thursday (or Friday), Epilogue.**

 **Thanks for your support x**


	12. Chapter 12

Dark. An infinite pool of dark water that stretched, and stretched indefinitely, surrounding her - rising, and rising dangerously until she couldn't breathe. She heard sounds, yet didn't know where to look. She sensed people around, but couldn't replace them in space. She could feel she was on a bed, and yet, her mind kept picturing her on a dangerously steep cliff - making her think she could fall down at any moment, couldn't move an inch without her heart lurching into her throat, hands grabbing, and gripping whatever they could find. Her head pounded, and pulsed hard as soon as she awoke, constant blows that seemed to crush her skull from the inside. They kept telling her it was temporary, yet she knew she'd never be quite the same.

Castle hadn't moved since she had woken up the second time around, as stiff as a rock, but entirely too willing to let silence get a hold of the room. He touched her softly, but with purpose; telling her where he was exactly, what the room was like, what he was wearing, the colors of the flowers that apparently were next to her bed - how they gave the room a more cheerful, and warmer tone. He touched her so she could _see,_ but he touched her because he wanted to, too. She could feel how desperate the grip of his fingers was, had an urgency to it that had never been there before, claiming.

" _I love you"_

"Ah, Mrs Beckett. Awake I see!" She jerked her head up at the sound, licked her dry lips as she angled her head toward the voice with a deep frown. She felt Castle shift on the bed, couldn't tell what he was doing exactly, but the mattress dipped on a side with a squeak, and she assumed he had gotten up.

"Yeah. How long has it been?" she asked firmly, since no one would _tell_ her. Something grazed her shoulder startling her shortly, before she felt the familiar curl of Castle's fingers. Just there.

"Four days, you had us quite worried," the doctor answered with a flat tone.

She knew that, had heard all about it from her dad, and the boys. Remembered Castle talking to her when she was still under, his voice a lifeline she had tried to hold onto, and follow to the surface.

That wasn't what she wanted to know.

"What about-"

"Yes, your sight. Look, there's no internal damage that we can see. You need to take it easy, and let it come back to you. As of now, there's no reason it wouldn't."

Hope flared bright and warm in her chest, the hand around her shoulder squeezing in support. "Can I go back home, then?"

"We'll consider that option tomorrow, I'd rather keep monitoring you for the night. But you'll need assistance, I can't let you go-"

"I'll be with her," she heard from behind her, the low rumble of his voice a sweet baume swirling around in her head, appeasing the heavy ache.

"Very well, then. I'll just do a quick check, and leave you two to it."

Good, she had had enough of it.

* * *

The familiar smell of the loft was what hit her first when he helped her inside, a steady hand wrapped around her arm. Her lips quirked up as he took her coat off, and pressed a quick press of his lips under her eye. He was so tender and soft with her, her heart kept jumping in sharp somersaults. He was babying her, couldn't keep his hands off her for a second. As annoying as it was at times, when her dignity flared back to the surface, she couldn't bring herself to say anything. She might not be able to see his face, but she could feel he needed it.

"Doctor said you have to avoid lights, _so_ , I bought you sunglasses," Castle said with an adorable hint of excitement, pushing the stiff, cold bridge on her nose. "They look real cool, promise."

Her chest shuddered as she snorted, knowing she probably looked ridiculous, a flash of pain burst all around her skull at the move, and she frowned fiercely, her jaw tightening as she tried to breathe through gritted teeth.

She felt Castle's hand tense around her arm. "All right, in bed you go," he said briskly, leaving no room for argument as he _dragged_ her. She let him walk her a few steps, before something clicked.

"Wait, where are the girls?"

"With your father," he answered matter-of-factly, though she could tell it was fake; his voice was slightly strained, and soared on way too unnaturally high notes. It was as though she actually could see him brush the question away with a forced laugh and a shrug.

"My- my father?" she asked, heard the surprise tint her own words. She remembered her father telling her he had met him, but had no idea they had discussed _that_ much at all.

"Yeah, I had to go take care of something with Wood. He'll bring them over tonight." There it was again. That tone.

She decided to ignore it for now, her head hurting enough as it was. "Right," she said as she followed him quietly. She wasn't sure where they were now, but she was pretty sure they had crossed the office; had recognized the smell of books, and leather. However now, she couldn't tell where they were by the smell alone, couldn't point a finger on it. He pushed her gently aside, and told her to sit - a thick, soft mattress welcoming her with a soft sigh. Oh, his _bedroom,_ that explained why it felt so unfamiliar, and yet, now she could smell something that was very _him._ A tiny part of her whined in disappointment of not being able to see what the room looked like, but gratitude brushed it off, and her heart swelled, her lips parting and stretching in a wide smile.

* * *

He was surprised.

She was handling the blindness so well, barely relied on him, really. _He_ was the one throwing himself over her any time she lost her balance, but he couldn't help it. The need to have her close and safe was stronger than he could handle, and he felt more at ease when he had his hands on her. He'd been afraid she'd find it overbearing, and perhaps she did, but she silently allowed him to have his role in this, feel useful.

Snapping out of his musing, he watched as her lips stretched into a shy, but breathtaking smile, her fingers softly caressing the slick duvet cover in random circles. He had no idea what that was about, but he could only dip his head to press a kiss to her forehead to encourage it.

"Castle," she let out softly, barely voiced at all. He raised his head up to look at her, the smile gone, and her expressions way more serious. Frowning, he pushed a wild strand of hair behind her ear, and took the hand she was handing out for him.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," she said, more audibly and firmly. The statement strong and unwavering.

"For what?" he asked, quite incredulously.

"Saving me? If it weren't for you, I don't know that I would be here right now," she breathed out.

Saving her? Did she _know?_

"What- Wait. You _know_?" He couldn't quite hide his panic, as bells started to go off in his head - sirens screaming in the distance. She was not supposed to know, not now anyway. That hadn't been the plan.

Wood had told him - " _If I were you, I'd avoid mentioning it to her, at least for a little while. You might want to avoid bringing up something that would awake an emotional trauma. She might not show any, it might look like she hasn't suffered any, but chances are, it's just well hidden."_

"I- Yeah, I heard you. Heard everything, in fact. It's fuzzy, mostly feels like I dreamt it all but- Why do you sound so...disappointed," she interrupted herself, her chin tipped up in his direction, and he could see how deep her frown was under her glasses.

He cleared his throat, his brain striving to find a way to divert the conversation. "Ah- I'm not, I- I just didn't really want you to know. Not yet, anyway."

She shook her head fiercely with a small smile, the hand that wasn't holding his grasping the fabric of his shirt, and pulling him closer to her. "I love you, too, Castle. Don't doubt that," she said so easily, her voice flowing gracefully like a summer breeze through the air. "God, I hate not being able to see you right now," she huffed with a watery laugh.

He gaped at her for a moment, the words not quite registering yet. His mind rewinded everything she had just said, his eyes widening as big as they could go as everything froze momentarily around him; her breathing the only sound he could perceive.

 _She_ loved _him._

"You- you love me? Oh, you _heard_ me." Realization knocked the air out of him, and he let out a loud laugh he couldn't have contained even if had wanted to, a strange mix of relief and euphoria making him see stars. He fell to his knees so he could level her, letting go of her hand to frame her face with both hands, and took off those dumb glasses. Her eyes were on him, but empty, as if seeing _through_ him, but he didn't care. He just needed to see all of her, and the light were soft enough that it wouldn't hurt her.

"Why is this such a surprise to you?" Again, her forehead creased around lines, her question both pained, and _disappointed._

Ah fuck, he had to make this right.

"Never mind." The words rushed out of him in a breath, as a smile broke his lips apart. You love me," he repeated more convincingly, and blinked dumbly.

She laughed out loud, a large smile spreading from one ear to the other as she nodded vividly. Dazed by her joy, he brought her face closer to taste it, let her share it with him, his lips claiming hers - although he couldn't contain his own smile when one of her hand came to grip his hair at the nape of his neck, the kiss messy and collapsing before it had even started.

She loved him.

* * *

She regained her sight three days later.

She had woken up to shouts and shrieks from the living room, and had opened her eyes like every morning. But unlike every morning before that day, a yellowish veil had greeted her - the dull color slightly oppressive, but oh so welcome. She had sat, and had lifted her hands to her face automatically, trying to make out the blurry form of her fingers. After a few blinks, and a heavy intake of breath, she had opened her eyes to spare grey spots, the room only partially clear, the corners of her visions blurred. A disbelieved laugh had washed out of her when she had discovered the room for the first time, when she had been able to see the streaks of light that broke free from the curtain and plunged the room into a warm and cozy light.

She remembered still, the look on Castle's face, when she had walked into the living room by herself, and steadily.

 _She stopped dead when she passed the door of the office, muffled a laugh behind a hand at the sight of Castle running after the three girls, a can of whipped cream in his hand as he himself had white clouds in his hair._

 _Though, her laugh might have escaped her hand, because suddenly, four pairs of eyes fell on her, each one of them holding different expressions; going from mischief, to horror._

" _K- Kate! What are you- Are you okay? How did you-?" Castle rambled as he tripped over himself in his haste to reach her. She couldn't contain her laugh anymore as he stood before her with wide eyes, and the can still in his hand. He blinked blankly as she laughed, and could pinpoint the moment he realized she was looking at him, really looking at him when his own lips parted around a laugh of his own. He grabbed and pulled her into such a strong hug that he lifted her off her feet as he laughed into her neck._

" _Dad, put her down," she heard the amused voice of Alexis say, as quiet giggles followed from the two blonde girls._

 _He did as he was told and let her go, but kept their hands laced. "You can see?" He asked in pure disbelief and relief as he warmly looked deep into her eyes - reminding her of how bad she had missed his sparkling blue eyes._

" _Yeah," she breathed out around a short laugh, "It still hasn't fully come back, but yes, I can see."_

 _He stared at her intently, their eyes finally reconnecting - the connection so whole, and so deep that her heart soared, a thrill sending sparks throughout all her body. Before she could add anything, his eyes glanced down to her lips, and he guided her to him with a hand behind her neck while hers came to cradle his jaw as he softly kissed her._

" _Daaaaddy, nooooo," came a little, whiny voice from behind, and they broke out laughing, and dipped their head down with matching smiles._

" _So, what did I say about playing with food?" she scolded lightly when they parted, her arms folded on her chest as an eyebrow arched up in emphasis._

 _Castle only smirked at her, and cast a glance at the girls behind him who nodded excitedly. When he redirected his eyes on her, his smirk had gotten dangerously mischievous, his fingers around the can of whipped cream already shifting._

" _Don't you_ _ **dare**_ _," she answered taking a step back. She'd kill him if he got even remotely close to her hair with that thing._

" _Why, Captain Beckett. Afraid you'll lose?" he threw at her cheekily, the can waving in the air._

" _Oh, believe me, you'll cry. You just have me at a disadvantage, here," she replicated, her lips quirking up slyly._

" _There's a second can in the fridge…" he offered lightly._

" _You're on."_

It was over now, but it had definitely been one of the hardest things she had ever had to go through. Though, she had finally been able to see again just in time to be the woman around his arm during the launch of his first book - Nikki Heat- a mystery and supernatural novel he had (apparently) entirely based on her.

Two weeks later, Castle had attended a hearing to be legally considered as Sarah and Eden's father. They had formerly told Wood that they had lied about their situations, and strangely, he hadn't reacted in any particular way. Just had wished them both a good continuation.

Another week later, he had been with her at the precinct when he had received the letter informing him that he would officially be a dad, again. A dad of three.

Though, since she had regained her vision, she hadn't gone back to her place, the loft the only home she wanted to come back to now, his face the only thing she wanted to see every morning when she woke up.

They still had a long way ahead, but she knew that although it wouldn't always be easy, they would be just fine. All of them.

 **Epilogue will be up on Thursday, or Friday!**

 **Also, I'm very sorry, I don't know what happened with the previous chapter. Perhaps some of you didn't get the alert (I didn't). The website has been acting weird lately, I still don't get all the alerts when it comes to reviews.**

 **Also, I've started a new thing that should be a four-chapter story. Give it a go if you haven't already, it's 'Breaking in' x**


	13. Epilogue

_December 14th, 2015._

Christmas was a week ahead, and as usual her precinct was full, her workload increased every passing day and she had a whiny child man as a boyfriend. Captain Kate Beckett needed a very much needed break, and yet that wasn't in her foreseeable future. Massaging her temples with two fingers, she let her head hang in between her arms, and released a heavy puff of breath. Christmas had never been easy since her mother's death, but she had found a way to make peace with it in her own way - put it all into neat little boxes literally, and figuratively. It was a day like another, and she was used to treating it as such. Sure, it was hard to keep a stoic face when people suddenly wore brighter smiles, and looked at the world with wider eyes. When a heavy coat of snow was draped all over the city, and streets arbored enchanting lights, when shops played nostalgic musics, and had their employers dressed in elves. Despite everything she told herself, there was no denying it, she had often envied people who were able to enjoy the Christmas spirit at its fullest, envied their cheer, more like.

However, she had rejected it for so long, she didn't think she would ever know how to get back into the spirit. Although, if anyone could help her do that, no doubt it'd her boyfriend. He had been nagging her all week asking her what color she wanted to see on the tree, what kind of lights, where she wanted the decoration. She understood he wanted to involve her in the process, and it warmed her heart to see how excited he was to share that with her. It made it all the more difficult to tell him she probably wouldn't be able to be here for the christmas eve dinner - or the morning after. She hadn't told him yet, wanted to soak in his sweet joy as long as she could.

She let out a defeated sigh, as she stood from her desk piling the stacks of files she'd have to take care of tomorrow, and headed out with a hand waving at the boys.

She'd just have to find the strength to tell him, sooner rather than later.

* * *

She could already hear the noise from inside the loft, and yet she hadn't even pushed the door open yet. It brought a shadow of a smile to her lips as high-pitched burst of laughters reached her through the thick door. The two girls were now spending most of their time with them, had been stuck to them both since she had gotten home from the hospital, and it was such a drastic change, she had been quite confused at first. Castle had tried to explain to her what had happened while she had been under it, her accident, the girls, something about a _baby_ , a _spirit._ It had probably been the most bizarre conversation she had ever had, but he had genuinely seemed shaken up, and she couldn't ignore that she herself had felt something strange going on before her accident. As of today, she still didn't know what to think, couldn't bring herself to believe such a thing was real - but she let it be a fleeting possibility.

Castle was quick at making her forget it, though. They worked well together; he brought out that carefree, wild and free side of her she had kept under a lid for so long, but what she admired the most was how good a father he was. He filled the role, and so much more so effortlessly, she sometimes had to stop and just watch. The girls and him had built such a heartwarming bond, she never got tired of watching them together. Though, even if she didn't want to admit it to herself yet, she had a very concrete role, too - had caught Eden call her mom once or twice. She hadn't exactly done anything to encourage that, it just had sort of...happened.

She didn't know that she was ready to be a mom, when she still missed her own so much. She cared about them, Alexis included, but being a mother was too big of a title she didn't feel comfortable with, nor felt fit to have, yet.

She unlocked the door, and let it swing open as she took her coat off, and hang it on the coat rack. She was pushing the door close, when something barrelled, and knocked into her from behind with a squeal; small arms circling her thighs.

She shook her head, with a smile - willing to play. "I wonder who just ran into me," she said loudly with a funny voice. A shriek answered her, and she turned around, the small child firmly attached to her. "Mhmm, looks like there's no one here."

"I'm right here, mamaa!"

And, there it was.

The girl let her go, and skittered around to face her, a wide smile breaking her face open as her clear eyes sparkled - visibly proud that her little stunt had worked.

"Oh, yes you are!" she exclaimed, making sure to look truly surprised.

She bent to pick up Eden in her arms, groaning as she balanced her correctly. "Man, you're getting heavy."

"I am _nooot_ ," the girl grunted, scrunching up her nose.

"Whatever you say, kid."

When she fully entered the living room, and had a clearer view on the whole space, she noticed what had everyone in such a state of excitement. A gorgeous wooden train track snaked around the living room with its landscapes and decorations of miniature trees, mountains, lakes, grass, and even a few animals. It was _something_ , but if he kept this on, they wouldn't have enough room to walk around comfortably. The loft already felt slightly crowded at times, but now that the christmas decorations were all set up - they could barely breathe, or walk without stepping on each other's toes.

"Hey, what's going on here?"

She saw Castle's head jerk up from where he was sitting with Sarah - where the coffee table _used_ to be - as a full set of locomotives ran over the tracks with its soundscape screaming from integrated tiny speakers, she guessed.

"Kate! Isn't it awesome?" She couldn't contain her laugh at the way his hair pointed in all directions, his eyes so incredibly clear in his child-like thrill. " _Please_ , say it's awesome."

Alexis shook her head at her, and shrugged with an amused smile playing along her lips, "Hi, Kate," she said around a laugh.

Kate set Eden on her feet, and watched her dash across the room to attach herself to Alexis, who welcomed the younger girl laying a hand in her blonde curls.

"It is pretty cool, but I thought we said no more decorations?" she challenged with an arched eyebrow, as he averted his glance to the miniature train. Sometimes, it truly felt like she was the only adult here.

"Well, yeah. But I saw it online, and it looked so _awesome_ , Kate," he whined looking back at her, and standing as Sarah grinned next to him. "I just _had_ to get it."

She had to admit, it did look really nice, and fit nicely. It was just also incredibly large, and would definitely constantly be in the way.

She huffed at the four pair of eyes that watched her expectantly, visibly waiting for the green light.

Ah, what the hell.

"Fine, show me."

* * *

She was massaging her body lotion into her calves when Castle reappeared in the bedroom, walked casually to her side to give her a quick kiss before circling the bed to his own side, sneaking under the covers. She smiled at the gesture, and turned around to look at him as he grabbed the book he'd started reading a few nights ago. She watched the way his brows tensed into a line as he started to dive into it, and wiped her hands on her shorts.

Now, or never.

"Castle?"

It took him a second, but almost instantly, he abandoned the book to glance at her - eyes still unfocused. "Yeah?"

"You remember when I told you Christmas wasn't really my thing?" He blinked, and laid the book back on his nightstand before sitting straight against the headboard, his whole body turned to her - giving her full attention. "Well, I haven't been truly honest. I know I told you I celebrated it my own way, but it's probably nothing you've thought about when I told you."

His face remained dead serious. "Does it involve nakedness? Because I'd be up for that, too. Elf, or Santa?"

 _Of course._

She rolled her eyes at the answer, and shifted on her side. "Castle, be serious," she chastinized with a glare, to which he merely shrugged, a slow smirk worming its way across his lips.

"Right. But Kate, you don't have to tell me. I get that it's a difficult time for you. It'll probably be for the girls, too when they'll be old enough to understand. In fact, I think Sarah has been thinking about it, although she's hiding it pretty well."

Fuck, she hadn't thought about that at all. Had almost forgotten that they had lost their real parents, and had been left to die in the woods shortly before Christmas only six years ago. How could she vanish on that day, too? She was such a _horrible_ person.

Castle must have sensed her internal turmoil, because he reached for her hand, and pulled her closer to him and against his chest as he regarded her with eyes that flashed with a slight concern. "Kate? Are you okay?"

She shook her head with a sigh, laid her face under his chin, and let his scent wash over her, calm her nerves. "I don't know," she muttered, a hand drawing circles against his shirt.

His hand ran through her hair, eliciting an embarrassingly loud _purr_ out of her. "Hey, what is it?"

She chewed on her lip, and pushed herself off him, sat just next to him so she could see his face. "I've always spent Christmas Eve, and Christmas day working at the precinct. I used to swap shifts when I was still a detective, and now that I'm Captain, I just stick around - holding the fort, you know?"

He nodded gently, but frowned looking at her with a mix of confusion and.. pain? "Really, you've never..?"

She could see he was trying to understand, and at the same time, he seemed to genuinely _hurt_ for her, and while she hadn't aimed for that, it did give a little extra kick to her heart; the way his eyes warmed up, and caressed her face so carefully, bringing her the comfort she needed, while still giving her space.

"No. I've never wanted to, it was my own way to offer someone else a chance to celebrate it, since _I_ didn't want to. It made sense to me to make sure that the city was perhaps a bit safer on that night."

He stared at her in wonder, the blue of his eyes shimmering like clear water on a summer afternoon, and tilted his head on a side, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"What?" she asked with a frown, her lips mirroring his as they curled into a small smile.

"Have I ever told you how extraordinary you are?"

Her smile widened as far as it could as she tipped her head down; the low rumble of his voice, and the words arousing butterfly-like flutters inside her belly. Her _sweet_ man.

"You might have yeah," she mused, tilted her head back up soon enough to witness the way his eyes creased, and twinkled with _love._

"So, does this mean..?" he asked, extending an arm to hold her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"I don't know, Castle. I completely forgot about the girls, and now… It doesn't feel right. God, it's their first real Christmas since you know, and for _you_ too, what was I _thinking-"_ she rambled, a burst of emotion swirling inside her chest, making it hard to think clear.

"Kate, Kate. I _understand_ , and so will they," he said squeezing her hand hard, "This year's Christmas will be… challenging for everyone. The last thing I want is to pressure you into something you're not comfortable with. You're not their mother, Kate, they won't hold it against you."

"Really? Because, Castle, they've called me mom a few times, lately," she said seriously. It did matter, it had to matter to them.

His eyebrows skyrocketed in answer. "They have?! I didn't even- Are you… okay with this?" he asked regarding her intently, his thumb going back and forth against the soft skin of her hand.

She loved how important it was for him to make sure that she felt at home and welcomed here, with them. But, this wasn't only about her, not anymore.

"I- I don't know, but it doesn't matter. I've got- _We_ have to be there for them, both of us, if that's what they need. They've gone through enough," she said firmly, her gaze holding his long enough to see him relent.

"Okay, listen. Why don't you spend Christmas Eve at the precinct, and spend Christmas morning with us? Then you can go back to work after lunch. Have I told you my mother is coming?"

 _Oh._ That was definitely something. He had told her he had contacted her a few weeks ago, but hadn't opened up to her fully. She still didn't know what had happened between them - just that the situation was rocky, to say the least. But he looked happy, and it was enough an answer for her.

"She is? Castle, that's amazing!" Her enthusiasm brought a boyish, timid smile to his lips, and she couldn't help but scout forward to rest against his chest, an arm curling around his chest into a tight embrace.

"Your dad should come, too," he said into her hair, before laying a kiss there as his a fingers thrummed up and down her spine in a lulling rhythm.

"Ah, I don't know about that. Listen, I'll definitely think about it. Promise?" she mumbled into his shirt, and angled her face to look up at him to see him gazing softly at her.

"All right. Whatever you decide, we love you. You're no use to us if you're miserable."

With a smile, she raised a hand to his face, encouraging him to dip his head so she could kiss him with all the fierce gratitude that burst and sparked within her chest like a firework.

* * *

 _December 25th_

They were all gathered around the Christmas tree, opening the presents; paper of all kinds being torn apart, and flung carelessly across the place as squeals, and shrieks were heard. Castle kept himself busy taking pictures of everything, had been for hours now - much for her dismay. Everything was going so well, that Kate surprised herself actually enjoying it without an ounce of residual pain; the warmth of it all wrapping her into a safe bubble of peace, and _happiness_.

Surprisingly, her dad had agreed to come, and looked rather at peace too; the corner of his eyes creasing as he smiled warmly at the three girls giggling together. He was sitting next to Castle's mother - Martha- with whom he had bonded comically fast. The matriarch had been quiet at first, and had looked quite unsure of what to say, or do, but she had warmed up and looked now more at ease. Still, Kate could tell that the woman was holding herself back in some way, could tell that it wasn't, or perhaps hadn't been in her nature to just sit there, and watch.

"Dad, I didn't know our Christmas lights could flicker. Are those new?" she heard Alexis ask, saw Castle put the camera down and look at the tree with a deep frown.

"They're not- I've never seen it do that. Did you touch anything?"

"No, why would I?" the girl shrugged.

Kate looked at the light at her turn, and- something was off. The pattern seemed regular, but- something about it felt _familiar_? Castle's eyes were already on her when she turned her head to him in question, and he nodded. Could it be-?

"Morse code," both said in unison, their lips curling into matching smiles. Although, a weird unsettling thrill circulated through her, and as hard as she tried to swallow it down, it wouldn't dissipate.

"Really, what does it say?" Jim asked, visibly surprised.

"It says 'Thank you'.." Castle started wistfully, staring at the blinking lights.

"And 'Merry Christmas," Kate finished, taking a deep breath in as Castle extended an arm so they could hold hands.

They all looked at them dubiously, before shrugging it off, and going back to what they had been doing.

But, Castle and Beckett knew what- _who_ that had been. And even though it was surreal, and disturbing all at once - only one thing mattered: A mother had found her child, and _they_ had found each other.

 **All right! Well, this is it. I hope you enjoyed that strange lil trip. I'm super happy that so many of you folks jumped on board with me, I def didn't think it would work all that well. It wasn't easy to keep it in character, and believable, so I hope I managed that. Thank you everyone for your support, it really helped.**

 **Now, yes - the movie that loosely inspired it is Mama (2013), a horror movie starring Jessica Chastain, that I honestly quite enjoyed. Although, it creeped me out.**

 **You can now follow me on "Breaking in" if you want to. x**


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